We swabbed Newcastle campus for cocaine and half the results came back positive

The Tab Newcastle set out around campus last week, in a Gordon Ramsay-esque fashion, to check out how much Charlie Newcastle students like to dabble in.

Our investigation found that cocaine had been used in the SU girls toilets and in Castle Leazes reception toilets.

Using swabs which are soaked in reactive chemicals that turn blue in the presence of the Class A drug, we swabbed spots all over campus in the middle of the day and found traces of cocaine in half of the testing locations. Naughty, naughty.

These tests are 95 per cent accurate in detecting street-level cocaine. We went all out and tested toilet surfaces, toilet roll holders, hand dryers and the sinks.

Location 1: SU girls toilets

The SU girls toilets was the worst offender. This wipe, after testing, was doused in blue, clearly signifying a hearty dose of the illegal substance.

If it's blue then it's true

Tbf, the toilets are right next to the SU club, so this is probably where you'd expect to find the most outrageous activity on campus. Maybe the party-goers at the new SU night 'Wanderlust' dabble in more dust than originally thought?

Location 2: Fine art studio toilets

We didn't manage to find cocaine traces here. The wipe was meticulously clean.

Smiles for good behaviour

Well done everyone. It appears the stereotype of artsy students and their carefree lifestyle doesn't ring true in Newcastle.

Location 3: Fourth Floor Robbo male toilets

The second location that produced no traces. Again, nothing here. The male in question helping our investigation carried out a thorough search, so definitely no illegal activity here.

Nothing here either

Obviously the mid-term essay stress hasn't got hard enough yet to get you sniffing.

Location 4: Castle Leazes girls toilets

Ah, Castle Leazes. The halls of the legends and ravers all funded by the bank of Mummy and Daddy. Well, not all, but still cocaine was found in these premises (of course). It seems first years have already got themselves over excited, tut tut. What happens in Leazes stays in Leazes right guys?

Obviously the moral here is that the SU and Leazes students of this world love it. Those who work in the Robbo are at uni for the right reasons. Congrats.

The results: 50 per cent success rate of finding cocaine on campus.

We approached the university to see what they had to say on the matter. A Newcastle University spokesperson said: "Students found to be using or possessing drugs or other illegal substances are subject to robust disciplinary procedures. We work closely with Northumbria Police to prevent drugs from being consumed or stored on University premises.

"In addition, the University runs a programme of compulsory induction sessions for all first year students. Led by the University, Students' Union and Northumbria Police the induction includes messages around all aspects of safety. Anyone who has information about drug use should contact the police or seek support through our Student Well-being Service."