Here are the moments London uni students realised they were posh
No, Arabella, cheese and charcuterie is not a normal meal
Not everyone can brunch at the Bluebird, buy cakes at Peggy Porschen, shop in Harrods and stay at the Dorchester, but it takes some people quite a long time to realise it. For the fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on how you look at it) posh kids among us, these things become so normal that it’s hard to remember how much daddy’s money can actually take you.
Whether they hide it by renting a mid-range flat in Clapham or Brixton, smoking rollies and wearing bucket hats and flares to raves, or fully embrace the ~posh~ with a personal driver to their private party on a rooftop in Mayfair, wearing head-to-toe Versace, you can pinpoint a posh student from three miles away.
Coming to uni in London either made you realise just how poor you actually are compared to the world’s elite, or it made you feel at home bumping into Made in Chelsea stars and drinking £40 dessert wine on the reg. Either way, by now we can all tell which way we swing, and some posh students’ stories of when they realised are gold.
So here are some of the best moments when London uni students realised they were officially posh:
‘When my friend wouldn’t speak to me for weeks because I didn’t want to eat her goat cheese risotto’
Ah yes, a classic make-or-break friendship situation. You can absolutely guarantee these two posh friends were planning a dinner party with champagne and “nibbles” when the drama kicked off, and in hindsight have realised how much of a first-world problem this was.
At the time, Penelope thought it was the end of the world when Olive said she didn’t fancy goat cheese risotto, and the following scenes were comparable to a Made in Chelsea episode.
The following weeks were frosty, to say the least, with two solid breakdowns thrown in there for good measure, but eventually, the friends went for brunch at the Ivy, bought each other Tiffany necklaces and wept over how much they loved each other and wanted to own estates right next to each other in the future. What a beautiful tale of friendship.
‘When I got made fun of at uni for being a Tory’
It’s a rite of passage ladies, and I don’t care what anyone has to say about it. The one and only upper hand that state school kids have when coming to uni is being able to rip into the private school Tories for their chapel banter, signet ring and blatant cluelessness about poor people.
Let’s clear this up: obviously not everyone from private school is a raging Tory. We adore the stories and little quirks that you guys bring to the table, and London uni life really wouldn’t be the same without posh people, but if you’ve never noticed just how posh you are before uni then you definitely will afterwards.
Whether you go out with all guns blazing and say that “free speech is dead” because people make fun of you for being a Tory, or you’re top-secret MI5 with it until it’s time to tick that Conservative box on your ballot, it is just a classic signifier of posh.
‘When I realised that pronouncing ’tissue’ without a ‘sh’ is weird?’
Take me back to The Crown because “tissyew” should exclusively belong to the aristocracy.
A lot of posh people have admitted that the way they speak is a massively obvious giveaway to others that they’re posh, and that when the inevitable laughs happen it is clear as day just how posh they are.
I can imagine that “tissyew” coming out of a 20-year-old’s mouth is definitely a sight to see, and if you can’t clock it from that, then I doubt anything would be able to spell it out for you.
‘When I could afford a townhouse flat in Zone 1 for second year’
Correction: when *Daddy* could afford a townhouse flat in Zone 1 for second year. But I mean, after literally never ever experiencing what it feels like to have your own money, how could you tell the difference anyway?
When all their friends end up in Kentish Town, Finsbury and Dalston at some random back garden rave while they sit comfortably in their Fitzrovia studio drinking red wine on their ones, something clicks deep deep down, that maybe they might just be a teeny bit posh.
Don’t fret Barnaby, at least you’ll still have friends when they’re using and abusing your flat for an absolute mad one post-lectures because it’s the closest to campus.
‘When I had to start hiding my Waitrose groceries’
Picture the scene: the secret posh housemate comes back from her weekly shop and, seeing that the others are about, makes a mad dash to her room in order to stash her truffle mayonnaise and smoked salmon in the mini fridge under her bed.
It started when someone absolutely slated her upon seeing the Waitrose logo on her avocados and she had to brush it off by saying: “Yah my mum ordered a load of groceries for me, I asked her not to but she did it anyway haha”. Now, it’s spiralled to a full-on undercover mission to hide the packaging in a corner cupboard in the kitchen, and Harriet is wondering if it’s even worth it for some top-quality caviar.
I’ll give you a hint, Harriet – it’s not. Be loud and proud in the knowledge that you not only buy from Waitrose, but you are 100 per cent posh.
‘When my parents told me to never mention our chateau when meeting people’
It’s a hard life for some, and having to keep the countryside chateau with five horses and a pool a trade family secret definitely falls within that category.
This posh person definitely had a very early introduction into being posh with the knowledge that their mansion and servants wasn’t actually a normal household situation. At least they don’t go to uni and start saying “tissyew” though, because by this point they are very much aware that posh is not just an economic situation but a whole lifestyle, and they are not prepared to join the posh British one of horse riding in Hyde Park by day and K-holing by night.
‘When I made homemade brioche and béarnaise sauce for a student social’
This poor and unfortunate soul clearly thought that “bring snacks” meant “slave away at a stove for four hours before you even think about showing up”, because that’s what it means at their family gatherings.
What was originally a shitty society quiz night at Phineas has now become an afternoon tea with some light entertainment, and if that’s not enough for this posh person to realise the blunder they have made and how posh they really are, then the one fresher throwing up in a corner and being held up by her mates after downing some Lambrini definitely is.
I can image the social definitely appreciated the presence of lovely brioche and béarnaise sauce though, so at least some people can benefit off this overwhelming poshness.
‘When I realised that not everyone has a weekly cleaning lady or maid’
I would honestly love to know when this clicked. The age of 10? 15? Perhaps even 21 when they visited a uni friend’s house and stepped back in shock at the lack of maids.
Either way, now safely in the knowledge that he is in fact not normal and actually very posh for having a maid ironing his bedsheets, he knows not to talk about it 24/7 and thus avoids the baffled conversations it causes. You’re doing great, sweetie.
Just wait for the shock when he realises that instead of a weekly cleaning lady, people actually clean up themselves, though. That’s a whole different ball game.
‘When the joke ‘Rah where’s my baccy’ started to sound like me’
This is a bucket hat-wearing, Amber Leaf-yielding, ket spoon-donning posh person if ever I saw one. After exclusively going to raves and festivals for the last few years of their adolescence in a desperate attempt to hide the poshness, it finally slips out when the slang you thought was “sooo working class” turns out to bait you out in the worst way.
Anastasia (but you can call her Stassie) started saying “rah” ironically and “baccy” to fit in with the state school kids, but now she’s connected the dots and realised that these were actually reverse psychology methods to make her realise how posh she is.
‘When I paid less than £10 for a drink at a bar and thought it was unheard of’
To be fair, we are in London, a place charging less than £10 for a cocktail and £5 for a pint is technically pretty unheard of, but students definitely find their ways to secure £2 doubles at sports night deals to make sure that this is not a common occurrence.
This student, however, clearly has not heard of such things, and what’s worse, has been funding his mates’ drinks for years because he thinks it’s completely normal to spend £200 in a night.
He thought he hit jackpot with this drink, and when his mates kindly reminded him that it is not, in fact, that deep, he really had to sit down and reflect on just who he was. The answer: posh.
‘When I realised that baked Camembert and charcuterie is not a normal lunch food’
“You can get it from Sainsbury’s for like £4 alright?” Nice try love, but even the Sainsbury’s budget range can’t help you here – just because it’s cheap doesn’t mean it’s not posh.
While for most people Camembert is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of special treat, and prosciutto has been discarded as just a “fancy ham that we don’t need”, they are absolute staples in this posh person’s diet to the point of reliance.
One day her flatmates will point out the alarmingly rate at which she is purchasing baked Camembert, and the realisation will kick in.
‘When I had to stop myself saying ‘yah’ at work’
For the posh students that do have jobs – because let’s face it, student debt and London rent is a combo that most of us will eventually go broke from – they’re faced with a niche set of obstacles of how to navigate a shitty minimum wage role with a posh background.
It doesn’t matter whether their work team is posh or not – no one can ever let the word “yah” go, and will mercilessly remind you of it for the next three years. So you cough to cover it up and give a bashful nod before saying “yeah”, and suddenly realise what this means.
‘When I was disappointed that I was going to Paris in an Opel Corsa and not a Mini Convertible’
“The car has to be perfect for my road trip TikTok, otherwise I’m not going.”
This posh person is the kind who would have a tantrum when they were 11 for not getting a limo to their primary school disco, and then again at 16 for prom. Their parents felt so bad for them after these fiascos that by the time 18 rolled around they got a limo to the club and an Audi as their first car just to make sure.
But we can’t choose our rental cars, and Lord is this person facing the repercussions. After stopping and actually thinking about it for a second though, they’ll laugh in the knowledge that this was a very posh manoeuvre.
‘When not everyone’s mum packed them a year’s supply of quinoa before moving to uni’
The essentials, and nothing more.
Just imagine showing up to your first year halls, excited to meet some fun people, eat meal deals for a week straight and get wrecked out on the town, when your newfound friends eye up the kilo sack of quinoa in the corner of your room. Big mistake.
This person’s mum is probably the most wholesome person in the world, but what neither of them realised is just how clear the poshness would be from the Ocado haul that she provides on moving day just to make sure “you’re staying fit and healthy!”
‘When I was told about my family’s title’
Arthur is 153rd in line to the throne and, from the minute he’s told, will not let you forget it. He will shamelessly plug his Instagram to try and become super popular so that The Tab will write about him in their next “the fittest royals at your uni” article, but will never quite make it there.
To be honest, if you couldn’t guess that you were posh before you knew about the title then I’m not quite sure where you’ve been at. Congrats on figuring it out.
‘When I looked at my friend group and realised we’re all middle class, white and from the Home Counties’
That’s it. That’s the definition.