A (brief) guide to the best and the worst of London student nightlife

London: Sun (maybe 15 per cent of the time), sea (if you travel at least one hour in any direction to Brighton, Kent or Southend), and semi-decent nightlife?

The capital’s lively clubbing scene is something that attracts students from all over the world, but with such a wealth of dubiously acceptable clubs scattered around the city, how do you know where to go?

Well, that’s where we come in. Here’s The London Tab’s guide to some of London’s best (and undoubtedly some of its worst) student nightlife.

Egg

Trust me on this one, you’re better off pretending this club doesn’t even exist.

Don’t let cheap student tickets lure you in – out of the times I’ve been to this club, precisely once has been remotely adequate.

I’ll admit, there’ve been a few times that – out of sheer desperation for a night out – I’ve found myself queuing down the same street on a freezing winter night in far too little clothing, with the alcohol downed at pres rapidly wearing off and any excitement for the night ahead fast dwindling. When you eventually get in, you’ll find that the long queue outside the club has completely dissipated, with maybe about 10 people in each room – if you’re lucky.

Ministry of Sound

There are two things that a first year London student eagerly anticipates – the termly influx of money to their bank account from SFE, and Ministry Tuesdays.

Ministry Tuesdays constituted the stuff of legends in first year. Sweaty nights in The Box always turned into early morning walks through Farringdon and along the Thames – again, in first year.

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Likelihood is, if you’re going to Ministry over the age of 20, you’re probably trying to relive the glory days of being a carefree fresher in London, or just enjoy hanging out with a younger crowd. Whichever it is, you should probably grow up and start going somewhere else instead.

The Lexington

This one’s for you, all you pretentious indie-hipsters.

Although most London “indie nights” are pretty much a trap, with incessant Oasis, The 1975 and Arctic Monkeys, The Lexington indie night actually plays some decent tunes.

Though it’s small, relatively poorly attended and quite an extortionate entry fee for a club, if you pride yourself on having a “not like other girls” or classic male manipulator music taste, their indie night could be your dream night out.

Saucy

Don’t speak to me about Saucy. 0/10.

Scala

Ah, the Holy Grail.

A half-decent night out in London is hard to find sometimes, so when we find one, we desperately hold onto it. No other London uni even tries to claim that their Sports’ Night is better than UCL’s – probably because they know it’s a lie.

There’s not much to be said about Scala except that it’s a fantastic night out – if you’re verging on blackout drunk, that is. Even so, drinks are (marginally) cheaper than they are elsewhere, it’s in close proximity to central, and the music is terrible – but in a good way. Generally, it’s pretty hard to have a bad night at Scala.

Roxy

A classic night out, Roxy is thoroughly subpar in every way. It’s tiny, the drinks are too expensive (but their pitchers are quite nice) and if you go on a Wednesday you have a 99.9 per cent chance of running into the RUMS lot who were all rejected at Scala.

It also seems to be the only club in London to let in underage teenagers, who always seem to be getting off with someone pushing 40 wearing velcro-strapped shoes who looks like a geography teacher – but at least there’s range.

It’s not a club I would go to every week, but every once in a while is fairly entertaining. And it’s the only club I know which has an actual food menu, and, honestly, who doesn’t want a cheese toastie when they’re steaming at 1am?

Corsica

Corsica is probably, all in all, objectively the best club on this list. Even their Thursday student night is pretty good, which is saying something considering the quality of other London student nights.

The music is generally good, the entry isn’t completely heinous, and the queues are never that bad. Although maybe it’s a little bit out of the way for those studying in North London, it’s definitely worth it.

The Jazz Cafe

Although you have to brave the Camden streets to get to it, The Jazz Cafe always promises you a good night out.

Only a short walk from the nearest Wetherspoons, the fact that you can get up on stage and have a boogie is always a big crowd-pleaser. Just mind the low ceilings – I’ve probably given myself several concussions on a good night out there, and it does hurt a bit.

Related articles also recommended by this author:

• Finally, someone has created a tube map with how stations are actually pronounced
• We went to the brand new Wetherspoons next to UCL, and here’s how it went
• I went to Scala (mostly) sober and here’s exactly how it went