According to Tatler these 26 things are what makes you posh post lockdown
Obviously having live-in staff is at the top of the list
The pandemic has been tough on all of us, but none more so than for the upper class who have to adjust to a new way of life. Painting their own nails AND no air kisses? How are they surviving? According to Tatler there is now new social etiquette for our post lockdown life and referring to it as the “new normal” is one way to guarantee you are not posh.
Tatler released their new rules of “social engagement” which includes behaviours and items that will indicate if you truly are “upper class”. Some of them are surprisingly normal – like tinned foods and walking, whereas naturally others are downright absurd, like bowing to greet people or knowing someone who is working on the coronavirus vaccine.
Classically, of course having a driver and live-in staff are practically deemed essential to get the Tories through a potential second wave.
These are the new rules of social engagement by Tatler, and if you don’t do at least half of them I wouldn’t send in that Made In Chelsea application if I were you:
1. Being chaste
So abstaining from all sexual activity is considered classy?
2. Live-in staff
Yes all that time you now spend indoors requires you to have staff around the clock.
3. A chest freezer
Hoarding food from the commoners is the only way to get through a global catastrophe.
4. Pictures of your children volunteering
Even a pandemic can’t stop the poshos from their white saviour complex.
5. Having a driver
Haven’t they always had drivers?
6. Doing your OWN nails
Oh the horror of having to do your own manicure by hand in your own home.
7. Zoom-calling your therapist
*Weeps* It’s just so tough doing my own nails.
8. Waving in the street
Air kisses are so last season babe.
9. Open windows, all year
Won’t that get a bit cold, you know, like in the depths of winter?
10. Builders’ merchants
Look I don’t even know what this means. Do they just mean builders?
11. Bowing instead of shaking hands
The pandemic has got the upper class reverting back to their 16th century behaviour.
12. Separate bedrooms
Finally an excuse to kick Hugo out of bed and keep the master to yourself.
13. Personal trainers
Protecting others, protecting yourself, all whilst getting some abs, makes total sense really.
14. Tinned food
Why have I got a feeling Branston beans will not be making the cut and instead the tinned food they’re referring to is £13 tinned duck confit from Waitrose? Who knows, they certainly don’t as the live in staff will obviously be doing all the shopping.
15. Dressing for dinner
Well when the live-in staff make dinner, there’s plenty of time to dress up to sit in your own house.
16. Owning a bike
Because the personal trainer wasn’t enough exercise, a bike is a total necessity for the Tories’ weekend jaunts.
17. Holidaying in the British Isles
Cornwall, Cotswolds and the Scottish Highlands are the only places to go this summer. Don’t even think about crossing the Channel unless you want to become a social outcast.
18. Ensuite bathrooms
Not judging this as we’d all like one, and if you deny wanting an en-suite then you’re lying.
Anywhere in particular? Or just the very generic human behaviour of putting one foot in front of the other to get where you want to go. Because in that case I’m extremely posh.
20. Having a pen pal
Waiting three to four days to hear back from your friend is just so fun. In fairness some of my mates take that long to reply to a WhatsApp.
21. Keeping chickens
That is peak cottage core vibes.
22. Paying for a new hospital wing
Tatler really is for a select group of the population.
23. The private room – or booking every room
As in booking the whole restaurant or just booking ahead? I’m confused Tatler.
24.Knowing someone who’s working on the vaccine
Your Oxbridge alumni status is showing.
25. Investing in Learjet
Right ngl I had to Google this to find out what it is. Turns out they’re private jets and it totally makes sense, how on earth could you travel BA first class now?
26. New soap
Guessing it won’t be Carex.