You can only call yourself a posh girl if you do at least 47/55 of these things
I NEED to celebrate all occasions at The Ivy
Whether you’re edgy posh, traditional posh or new money posh, there are certain things all girls do if they consider themselves posh.
There’s just no escaping bottomless brunches, pretending to vote Labour and religiously listening to The High Low. Doing these things just means you’re home counties, Tory loving posh and you might as well embrace it.
You’ve already got the posh girl’s wardrobe of flares, Vivienne Westwood necklace and Air Forces. So you might as well see how many of these activities you do to determine how much of a posh girl you really are.
And if you don’t do at least nearly 47 of these then sorry, but you cannot consider yourself a true posh girl.
1. Going to the Ivy Brasseries on the reg
Every occasion – birthday, anniversary, graduation, an average Tuesday must be celebrated at The Ivy.
2. Having a bunch of friends who basically look identical to you
Your group of blonde and tanned mates all think you’re so unique.
3. Using the word “girlies”
This is your go to Instagram caption.
4. Brunching every weekend without fail
Oh and it has to be bottomless otherwise what’s the point.
5. Saying you’re Labour but straight up ticking that Tory box when it comes to election day
You then pretend to be gutted when Boris wins.
6. Going on holiday to your second home by the sea or the country
Sometimes you just need a restorative weekend in Devon.
7. Going on holiday to your third home abroad
If you’ve got the second you might as well get a third in a sunny location. South of France is preferable.
8. Correcting your friends’ pronunciation of “pho”
God it’s just so embarrassing when they get it wrong in Wagamamas.
9. Only shopping at Waitrose
Gnocchi is an essential tbf.
10. Or have an Ocado delivery every week sent by your concerned parents
Mummy just really wants me to have organic vegetables.
11. Going on a minimum of three holidays a year
Some people only go on one holiday a year? Madness.
12. Going on all the uni ski trips
I need a week of snow, sex and booze.
13. Drinking prosecco at pres
It will feature in all your photos for the evening.
14. Taking Boomerangs of literally everything
But mainly your cocktails.
15. Demanding the ensuite room when you get your second year house
I’ll happily pay more rent (aka I’ll just tell Daddy that’s the standard price).
16. Having been to private school
And you’re probably still mates with all the girls you met there.
17. Remembering some of the Latin you learnt at school
I know way more than just “Carpe Diem”.
18. Low key being disappointed when you weren’t picked to be a prefect
Don’t get me started on not being chosen for Head Girl.
19. Calling your parents mummy and daddy
Just admit you do it.
20. Having no idea what your dad actually does for a living
Please do not ask me this question – he just makes a lot of money ok.
21. Spending your student loan on oat milk flat whites from Pret because Daddy gives you money as well
Well how else am I meant to get through two hours in the library?
22. Doing barre classes
And pilates and yoga of course.
23. Thinking Gwyneth Paltrow actually knows what she’s talking about
“She’s a health guru”.
24. Going to the ballet every Christmas
It’s a tradition ok.
25. Feeling spiritually aligned with Ja’mie Private School Girl
She just gets me you know.
26. Having a shop on Depop where you sell over priced “vintage” sweatshirts
No refunds x
27. Shopping in Zara
For the basic bitches who don’t shop in Urban Outfitters.
28. Casually boasting about being distantly related to a royal
“So and so is my third cousin twice removed.”
29. Having a gap year entirely funded by daddy but saying how much it’s made you appreciate life
Helping the children in Africa was totally not for the gram at all.
30. Religiously listening to The High Low
Dolly and Pandora are your goddesses.
31. Getting a grad job straight out uni – probably in PR
Everyone else is back to their supermarket jobs but you’re already working in West London.
32. Moving to Clapham
PR and Clapham are a match made in heaven.
33. Being able to afford to spend your post work drinks sipping cocktails on rooftop bars
You live for Thursday nights.
34. Dabbling in veganism
But deciding your better off as a flexitarian.
35. Played netball and been weirdly defensive about your position
Goal Attacks are just the best energy.
36. Pretend you’re not posh by throwing on a pair of Ellesse trackies and doing a load of ket
Just cringing at the thought.
37. Making a #richgirl check video on TikTok
And getting your parents to read out “slang” in what you think are hilarious videos. They’re not – they’re highly embarrassing.
38. Attending gallery openings
What do you mean you didn’t attend the exhibition at the Saatchi?
39. Never missing a Wednesday sports night out
Which is never complete without taking a rugby boy home.
40. Getting off with a guy from Made In Chelsea
Not the main ones, probably the one that only appeared a few times. But you still brag about it.
41. Putting all crisps in bowls
They just taste better that way.
42. Never missing Notting Hill Carnival
I have to spend the day drinking in West London.
43. Sleeping with a guy who wears a signet ring
He obviously won’t let you try it on.
44. Only using Hinge because there’s no one fit on Tinder
The same applies to Bumble.
45. Having a minimum of two Deliveroo orders a week
I just can’t survive without Thai food.
46. But when you do cook, you make your spag bol from scratch
Sorry, what’s Dolmio?
47. Been to Henley Regatta at least once
Blazers and Pimms what’s not to like?
48. Gone to Wimbledon
And no I don’t mean sitting on the hill outside, I’m talking having actual seats.
49. Speaking of tennis you actually know how to play it well
Your summers were obvs spent with your coach.
50. Talking obnoxiously loudly
Especially when you spot Hattie in library.
51. Study Psychology, English, Philosophy or History of Art
It doesn’t matter that the degree is useless – you’ve got connections.
52. Thinking being posh is a substitute for a personality
53. Buying your uni room essentials from independent boutiques
What is this Wilko you speak of?
54. Bleaching your hair blonde
“Omg of course I’m a natural blonde.”
55. Going to Newcastle, Exeter, Bristol or Edinburgh
I’m sorry but you just know it’s true.