GKTRFC: Meet the men’s GKT Rugby Team aiming high at Macadam 2017

A full tour of the Guy’s Hospital Rugby Macadam Squad is at your service

Ah Macadam, the time of year where the biggest rivalry since Tupac vs Biggie, Real vs Barca and Mide Ololade vs his chronic lack of game/chat/athleticism [delete as appropriate] comes to the fore.

The pressure’s been building for both sides of the university and in an attempt to defuse the palpable tension comes this “light-hearted introduction to Guy’s Hospital Rugby Club” (Chris Kamara – Sky Sports News).

Freddie Green

Position: Prop

Course: Medicine

Year: 3rd

Pubs forced to close down after he cleaned out their quiz machine:

A) 1 B) 2 C) 3 D) This isn’t funny

Number of chip and chases attempted on Wednesday: 3

Ben Ridley (VC)

Position: Hooker

Course: Medicine

Year: Intercalating

Team talk style: See film – “The King’s Speech”

Detrusor control: He financed the CEO of Tena Man’s holiday home

Calum Luke

Position: Prop/Utility Back

Course: Medicine

Year: Intercalating

Relationship with the Guy’s Bar bouncers: Symbiotic*

GHRFC Media Involvement: Why is Mide Ololade up at 12 midnight writing these profiles?

*They’d be out of a job without him, he’d be in hospital without them

Christian Burgess

Position: Lock

Course: History

Year: 3rd

Children: 1 (check his insta, she’s adorable)

Paternity tests required: 1 (see the above explanation)*

*Whilst he may not have written anything else, I can confirm Calum Luke was responsible for this profile and this profile only.

George Vaughan

Position: Blindside Flanker

Course: Medicine

Year: 3rd

Political ideology: Henry Poon tells him to think of the poor

Celebrity Crush: Theresa May

Hopes for Post-Macadam: Someone to make his soft Brexit a little harder

Tom Francis (C)

Position: Open-side Flanker

Course: Stem Cell Research (PhD)

Year: We’ve stopped counting now

First year halls: Waupun Correctional Institution

Loves: Rugby so much, he plans to do another degree after this

Jack Lilly D’Cruz

Position: Number 8

Course: Medicine

Year: 4

Ethnicity: Ambiguous

Tackling legality: See above

Ben Murphy

Position: Scrum – half

Course: Medicine

Year: 2

Favoured holiday destination: The Watford Gap

Loves: Beers, Boys, Betting Bo Brotection Brom the Borward

Josh Brown

Course: Biomedical Sciences

Position: Fly – Half

Year: 3

Post-degree hopes: A coach who’ll finally entrust him at tight-head

Loves: Being told what to do

Hates: Stealing girlfriends

Tom Crisp

Position: Winger

Course: Medicine

Year: 5

Style of play: The “James Milner” to Sparks’ “Nathaniel Clyne”

Loves: Stealing Girlfriends (You can tell a lot of thought has been put into these)

#Workhorse #IndustrialPace

Richard Hall

Position: Inside Centre

Course: Medicine

Year: 4

Haircut: “you could set your watch to” (google the quote, you’ll thank me for it)

Favourite pastime: Yak feeding

Cassius Deschamps

Position: Outside Centre

Course: Physiotherapy

Year: 1st

Hobbies: Trying to kill Bart Simpson

Franco-Welsh relations: Sexual

Franco-KCL relations: Awkward

David Sparkhall

Position: Winger

Course: Medicine

Year: 5

Number of Shrek Films featured in: 2

Number of women lost to Shrek: 1

Post-medical career hopes: Returning to co-host the Paralympics

James Kemp

Position: Full-Back

Course: Ancient History

Year: 2

Team supported: Crystal Palace

Team coaches vandalised: Crystal Palace

Marco Marcello

Position: Utility Back

Course: Medicine

Year: 3rd

Girlfriend: Mrs Potato Head

Nights out in Oxford: Loose

Glenohumeral Joint: Looser

Keir Smith

Position: Utility forward

Course: History

Year: 3rd

Favourite food: Steamed Hams #nutrition

Most likely place to spend post-macadam: In a VK – hole

Samir Zaman

Position: Second Row

Course: Medicine

Year: 4th

Charitable endeavours: Too many to count

Freshers deserted on a cold, snowing mountain: See above

Jack Kingdon

Position: Back Row

Course: Medicine

Year: 4th

Better looking Kingdon (His words): Fred

Better playing Kingdon (His words): Fred

Henry Poon

Position: Numero Ocho

Course: Medicine

Year: 2nd

Tackles broken per season: ∞

Tackles made per season:

Flynn Griffith

Position: Fullback. He only wants to play fullback.

Course: Medicine

Year: 2nd

Taste in music: Tech-nobodies listening mate

Jawline: So sharp, Jen has to wear protection anytime they kiss

Gary Chan

Position: Winger

Course: Physiotherapy

Year: 2

Voice: just angelic, you might even say it’s Changelic (I’m handing in my P45 as we speak)

Size of quads: Gichan Gigantic

Irish-Welsh Relations: (See Cassius Deschamps)

Al Macfarlane

Position: Utility Back

Course: Medicine

Year: 5

Forearm strength: just wait for the customary hand-off

Fashion strength: He made a deal with the devil to receive his forearm strength

The match takes place Wednesday 29th March, at Honour Oak Park Sports Ground. No tickets required, just appear at 2pm!