You can burn over 1,200 calories by just sitting in the library

A calorie counter said so

national noad

Looking to hone your beaut beach bod for the summer? Forget fasting, forget exercise, forget kale — we have discovered the last word when it comes to burning calories.

The newest and easiest way to work them off is to go to the library and sit in one place for a whole day revising.

We have done the extensive research and we found studying does actually burn calories. Loads of them. You are welcome.

Here’s how we found out, using a wristband calorie counter to prove it.


It’s a Thursday, a normal library day, up at 7.30 and getting ready to face the four walls of the most horrible building in the West End of Glasgow.


Leaving home, it’s raining and I’m wearing the heart rate monitor along with a fetching sports watch which tracks your heart rate and so can also calculate how many calories you’re burning.

Walking from my room to the kitchen burned one calorie. This is great.

There it is


Arrived at the library and I’m the only person in the near vicinity.

This is highly depressing.

On the plus side, I’ve already burned 77 calories from the walk. Score.


233 calories burned already, what is this magic?

I’ve literally done nothing but study and scroll through Facebook. We’re going to be so fit at the end of these exams if we keep this up lads.

I’ve not even moved, I’ve been sitting in exactly the same place for about an hour and fifteen minutes. I can practically feels my cheekbones becoming more defined.


This is going swimmingly, I just went to the toilet and burned another 12 calories. Result.

Why would you do the Atkins when you can just go to the library?

Quick loo trip


Burned 527 calories since leaving the flat and have been sitting on this green swivel chair for nearly five hours doing nothing but memorise French verbs.

Since 527 is such a huge number it’s time for a reward of the edible kind, cracking.

Clearly she doesn’t know the long term health effects of studying, they’re great


The heart rate monitor just reset itself back to 0 when it was on 643 calories, what a day to be alive.

Time for some maths. We’ll start again and add the two totals at the end for a big reveal, how exciting.


Just spilled Irn Bru everywhere, this is not a good day.


Glory hallelujah, already burned another 18 calories. This is amazing.


Instagram stalked Charlotte Crosbie of Geordie Shore fame.

Someone really needs to tell her to stop with all her sweaty exercise and get herself to the library, she probably needs the education and she’ll stay skinny. A double whammy.

The total is currently at 787 calories.

5.55 pm

Slowly but very surely losing the will to live. And this heart rate monitor is bloody tight.

If I don’t make it out please don’t tell anyone I died in the library.

This losing weight business is strenuous work. I’m starting to feel my trousers getting slighly looser too.

Grand total for the day now sits at a delightful 1,002 calories.

As I type I am burning calories, doing nothing but moving my fingers and sitting on my arse. Life is beautiful.

8.03 pm

Finally back at the flat. Left the library behind and marched home.

See you losers later

The final result for the day is 1,286 calories. Yeah, that’s right, studying burns calories and we’ve proved it. Take that food pyramid and treadmills.

This has changed my life.