Packing up your student house: a guide on what to toss and what to keep

When you arrived in halls last September, you might have thought, “This isn’t as bad as I thought, it’ll look so peng, just watch”. Whereas now – being ten months wiser – you realise your clothes are pouring out of your drawers, your freshers’ freebies are cluttering your desk and you live with your drying rack as a permanent feature in your room.

I think the broken mirror just symbolises the person I have become.

Your mum’s car boot can’t take all this crap home for summer, so it’s time to be brutal. Here are some tips on how to cut the bullshit and cut your clutter.

Ditch the alcohol

You’ve probably got them lined up on your shelf or stacked on your fridge as a badge of pride. They’ve made nights to remember… but more frequently, to forget. It’s time to recycle those empty bottles of bad decisions.  And it’s probably best to do that before your parents show up and realise how much home-brand vodka you’ve gone through this exam season.

When you realise you go to more seshes than seminars.

The Freshers’ freebies

During Freshers week, the SU and all the nightclubs were flooded with freebies and promotions – and being a poor student, you likely took everything you could get your hands on. This means wristbands, lanyards, posters and foam fingers. They’re probably stuffed in one of your drawers and it’s time to bid them farewell.

You’ve probably got a bunch of promo t-shirts too, like Sync Tuesdays at Revs (RIP) or your stained top from your first white t-shirt social. Are you really going to re-wear a t-shirt saying ‘Phil Mitchell drill me’? (Yes, that was written on my back all night).

don’t @ me pls

The dreaded textbooks

You got these in your first week of lectures (courtesy of mum) because you once obeyed the reading list like law. But now you are a deviant who has given up all hopes of a 2:1 and have not glanced at a textbook since. However, these are definitely worth hanging onto because when things get serious in second year, they will be your lifeline.

And while you’re at it, hold onto those barely used notebooks as well, don’t be a wasteful cunt, think of the trees. Plus, you’ll need some blank pages to stare at hopelessly while you’re waiting for your motivation to kick in next Autumn.

Me @ eduroam

The Bed

Ah. Every students’ sanctuary. This slice of heaven has helped you through some tough times, like your first killer hangover and your deep, late night convos with people you just met from upstairs. But it will feel good leaving behind the grim bed linen they gave you if you went for undergraduate plus accommodation. A lucky few have even found mysterious stains on their bedding- it’s like a twisted lucky dip.

The Kitchen

There isn’t really much to sort in here, considering you’ve barely touched your kitchen utensils, so everything should be good for next year (not that you could even afford anything new). Your fridge is near empty already because why would you fuss with cooking when Fattoush is right around the corner and Just Eat is only a click away.

One thing you should throw out, however, is the rubbish. You and your flatmates have been ignoring it ‘because we’re all leaving soon’, but now the time has come to dispose of that toxic waste.

The Goodbye

Oh, how I will miss Taly hallway photo shoots.

You might get a bit emotional leaving halls and all the memories that went with it. But then just think: ‘Thank fuck I don’t have to walk 30 minutes to get to lectures next year’.