Things you won’t get unless you live with more than eight people

You’ve selected all the best people from your first-year building and put them all together in a giant super house. What could go wrong?

Pre-drinks will nearly always be at yours

The thought of leaving your house without a beer jacket on to go to a smaller house to drink yourself a beer jacket seems ridiculous. You’re probably closer to the SU than anyone else anyway thanks to all the big gaffs residing around Miskin Street and the gardens. You pretty much nail pre-drinks every time regardless of if anyone else even comes, every night is a big night in a house this size.

Remember that time…

There’s a million of you, everyone else in your house has done something equally stupid/embarrassing/morally questionable. It is a comfort to know that by 2pm, whatever awful thing you’ve done the night before will probably be completely overshadowed by someone else’s awful thing. The sheer number of drunken travesties get lost in the rubble that is the house dignity.

TV

You probably only have tiny sofas which means the ones who arrive late to the house communions to watch the latest documentary miss out on prime viewing spots and have to sit on the not-very-cosy slatted chairs.

When there’s not people around, it freaks you out

On the odd occasion when everyone is busy with external friends/work/uni/being hungover the house feels strange and you don’t quite feel settled until you someone is home to keep you company again.

Incest

We all heard the warning, not many of us heeded it. You’re bound to lowkey fancy at least one of your housemates when you’ve got this many of them. Someone else might lowkey fancy them too, meaning your house chart looks something like this.

Organisation

If you want a cute #goals house night out, forget about it or be prepared to put in a lot of hard graft. Trying to organise around everyone’s conflicting schedules is basically impossible.

Impossibility of taking a bang on squad photo

You will shout and scream at your house party trying to organise everyone into a clean (ish) corner of the kitchen to take a nice squad picture. It won’t work. At least one house member will have snaked for better pres or be home for the weekend. Give up while you’re ahead and settle for…

“Just the girls”

A much more achievable type of squad photo. When you’ve got a decent shot, it will appear on multiple Instagrams, multiple times throughout the evening.

Regular tasks

If the washing machine is free SPRINT UPSTAIRS TO GET YOUR STUFF THAT’S BEEN WAITING 2 WEEKS BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE BEATS YOU TOO IT.

You will be forced to eat dinner at the most ridiculous times.

Dinner time in a big house is chaos, it is much easier to eat after the faff has died down. Then its suddenly 9pm and you realise you should probably start cooking soon.  Your kitchen table probably only has 3 useable chairs, it makes sense to just wait.