Everything you’ll know if you grew up in the Valleys
Bet you went to Big Pit for a school trip
It’s a fact: the South Wales Valleys are an incredible spectacle. One you may not cherish until you leave.
You learnt about some sort of mining rising or riot that happened in your town
Whether it was the Tonypandy Riots, the Chartist movement or learning about the innocent death of Dic Penderyn in the Merthyr Rising, part of growing up in a small town means you need to learn the ins and outs of it. Which we did… for several years.
Which meant you deffo went to Big Pit on a trip to learn about it
Going down a coal mine sounds fun when you think about it, but when you get there you realise how much of a crappy school trip your school could fund.
But it was either that or Techniquest, so you definitely pulled the longer straw.
Your parents hate Margaret Thatcher
She probably put one of your family members out of a job before you were born, but you still hate her as well anyway.
You went to shitty clubs where you saw everyone you knew
The addiction started at age 16 when you realised you could get in because the place was so dire.
But whether it was the likes of Blisters in Bargoed, Koolers in Merthyr, or Soul Suite in Ponty, you loved it anyway, because you saw everyone you knew and got absolutely hammered.
But when you turned 18 you made sure everyone knew you were going Cardiff for the first time
And you were royalty if you turned 18 early on in the year. All of your friends looked at you in awe, asking you what a legendary night out in Cardiff was like.
When everyone turned 17 you saw hundreds of pictures of everyone up Pen y Fan
The highest peak of South Wales was a popular attraction once people learnt how to drive.
Plus it was a shoo-in if you wanted a decent amount of Facebook likes.
But everyone then knew about Brecon Ice Cream
Llanfaes Dairy is the best ice cream on Earth and everyone knew it.
Well worth the hour drive.
Everyone loves Mr Creamy’s
But the ice cream parlour in Porth is still your childhood favourite.
You’d see your entire school down Barry Island if it was a sunny day
And everyone was mortified when they shut down the Log Flume in the fair.
Curry sauce is the sauce of eternal life
If you don’t like it are you even really Welsh?
When The Valleys came out you wanted to leave the country
The worst depiction of our hometown ever. No one goes to Cardiff to get famous.
But at least we had Gavin and Stacey to revive us.
Everyone’s social lives revolves around the rugby
“Nah, I can’t go to your son’s Christening Sunday, Dave. Wales are playing France at two.”
Even people who had a Cardiff vs. Swansea rivalry came together to hate England.
Learning Welsh short course for GCSE ruined your life
If you hadn’t learned how to tell the time by then it just wasn’t worth getting half a GCSE in it.
But then people always get disappointed when you tell them you can’t speak Welsh fluently
Go up north if you want those arrogant bastards.
Yet they’re still impressed when you say the most basic things
Gall i fynd ty bach os gwelwch yn dda?
The views are always beautiful
I mean, we live in a pit of mountains, after all.
Sheep jokes are a weekly if not daily occurrence
They become kind of endearing, because you know no matter where you go, you’ll always be from the Valleys.