How to pull on a night out: for boys by girls

You’re in the club with all the boys and you’ve had enough double vodkas to put you on your high horse of cockiness. You swag on over to a girl preparing your cheesy chat up line and bum grab technique, which swiftly leads to being told to fuck off. Sound familiar?

If you’re tired of being rejected every time you go out and want to remember what getting off with a girl feels like, we’ve made a handy guide to pulling for you boys, from us girls.

He liked the hula necklace

The best way to open up a conversation is a compliment. You don’t have to mean the compliment but bullshitting your way to the bar is a better bet than flat out asking if a girl wants a drink. Compliment areas include shoes, outfit and hairstyle, take ya pick.

Secondly, look sexy. It might be shallow, but girls want a guy that looks presentable and smells nice. We’re going to judge your appearance and dress by whether we would introduce you to our grandparents. If you’re in a scruffy t-shirt that’s got evidence of what you had for dinner on it, you’re in no fit state for a neck on.

Do I know you?

“Do I know you?” No you don’t. “Haven’t seen you in ages!” No you haven’t. And your corny chat up lines scream desperation and past rejection. They can sometimes work in your favour if the girl is too embarrassed to explain that you’re a complete stranger and will kindly accept your Jagerbomb apology. But do lay off a bit, normal conversation will do.

What about touching? How much is too much? The long and short of it is don’t grab us as we walk past in some sort of university gypsy grabbing ritual, or squeeze our bums. If you want a feel at least start with less sexual body contact gestures such as a light touch of the arm to get our attention. Bum touching can commence later on in the night when we say so.

Vigorous touching

Dance floor etiquette is key. If you’re going in for the grind don’t move in from behind. We don’t want to feel like we are dancing with a sexual predator, so instead do a bit of dad dancing including twirling us round a bit and having a laugh, basically anything that doesn’t involve us feeling your growing semi digging into our backs.

Pulling. Moves.

Being a local in the smoking area can have its pros when trying to pull. Having a fag is the perfect time to put some serious graft in, where you can really try and get to know your woman of choice. Ask questions we want to answer like “what are you doing this summer?” rather than “how many guys have you shagged?”.

Nailed it

Lastly, remove your sex goggles. Don’t glare at us across the bar or even worse the dance floor like you’re going to eat us. This can simply be achieved by not getting too fucked. Instead, catch our eyes a few times before coming over. And don’t forget to blink.

Remember, if you do all this and you still haven’t pulled, it’s best to quit whilst you’re ahead. It’s likely that we’re out with our gals and don’t want to be interrupted. As we all know, if first you don’t succeed, try and try again… just in a different club on a different night.