Naughty Nutcrackers

Hankering for a cheeky Christmas treat in the midst of deadline season? Whack out your nutty fingers & let me introduce you to some mischievous little nutcrackers..

Who doesn’t love indulging in some glorious, chunky nuts this time of year?

A little bit sticky, fabulously simple but straight up delicious…they bring a bit of fragrant warmth this chilly time of year.

I’m chatting about peanuts of course, you filthy minded cretins!


Here’s a little Christmas treat to brighten up your last two weeks whilst hammering out those essays in the library…

Time to get this nutty show crack-a-lackin!

You’ll need to scavenge:

250g pack digestive biscuits

150g butter

200g bar of milk/dark chocolate

200g of light brown sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract

250g jar crunchy peanut butter


Line a tin with some greaseproof paper. Whack open your biccies, weigh out 250g & pop them into a zip lock bag ready to be smashed to smithereens. Go to town with the bangin’ so you’ll end up with a pile of crumbs.


Free anger management class & some left over biscuits: Always a winner.

Measure out your brown sugar & mix it in well with the biscuit crumbs. Next up, measure out 150g of your butter, pop it into a saucepan & then leave to slowly melt over a medium heat until it’s golden, toasty & silky smooth. Whip it off the heat, pour it into your bowl and give everything a good ol’ mix.


Break up your chocolate into small square chunks & sling them into a heat proof bowl to melt. Meanwhile, snap up your jar of crunchy peanut butter & scoop out 300g of the nutty goodness. It’s pretty much the whole jar so just shove it all into the bowl for good measure!


Grab your lined tin & scrape out your creamy biscuit concoction. With the back of a metal spoon, squish & squeeze it all down.


You’ll be left with a buttery biscuit base to rival screen legend Greg Wallace & his love for a toasty nutty base singsong.

Take your melted chocolate off the heat & with a spatula, scrape it out & pile it all on top.


Pop it into the fridge to set for an hour or so, slice into hunky sized slivers & finito! You can speed up the whole process in stellar time by nudging it into the freezer. Who has time to wait around when there’s some crackin’ sticky treats to sink your teeth into?

After all, who wants to earn their sugar coma by being patient? It’s christmas, a time for giving but also a time for being unashamedly greedy.


Just look at them shine in their glorified screen time: an uncanny resemblance to the performance of Angel Gabriel.


Mop ’em up with some gluttonous slurps of some icy leche. If you’re a good ol’ sport, remember to whip some up for Mr Claus come Christmas eve… give him some chewy & crunchy, salty sweet goodness to loosen those belt notches.