Date my housemate

Are you looking for love? Not very picky or shallow? You might want to have a read of this.


My mission this term is to find a girlfriend for my housemate, Joe. He has been wallowing in self-pity for too long and I’ve decided to take on the challenge. Therefore, the aim of this article is to give an insight into his personality, his image, and hopefully a glimpse into his heart.

He was reluctant to divulge too much information, but with a little bit of persuasion (and with the promise of maybe finding him some fit girls) he provided me with this list of his dateable qualities:

  • Male
  • 6ft. 4
  • Extremely well-built Italian stallion
  • Loves cooking, painting, and making sweet love.
  • Always up for a laugh.
  • Would like to meet a Natalie Portman lookalike or outgoing sex maniac.

However, in the interest of honesty (and with the hope of actually finding him a girlfriend) my housemates and I have compiled a slightly more realistic list of his qualities:

  • Male
  • Tall-ish (pushing 5ft11)
  • Slightly lanky but with the potential to bulk up if sent to the gym
  • Quite lazy but can cook an average to poor Carbonara
  • Loves to laugh at his own jokes

His favourite song is: Freedom by George Michael. What a catch.

Finally, to clinch the deal, I have taken some photos of him. Hopefully he’ll steal your heart with his modest, but affective, poses.

Scanning for the ladies

Fancy getting your hands on these oversized guns?

So if there is a lucky lady out there in Cardiff who thinks ‘Yeah, I like the sound of this guy, I’ll give him a go’ don’t hesitate to get in touch with me at features@cardifftab.co.uk. You could bag yourself a cheeky date with the self-titled lothario of Cathays.

You know you want to!