Tit Hall bar has been flooded with sewage

It’s causing quite a shitstorm

Cambridge poopertrator sewage pipe Shitgate Tit Hall Trinity

Poo-related woe strikes Cambridge once again as Trinity Hall College bar is now filled with faecal matter.

Students at “Shit Hall” were today left desperate, unable to access necessary facilities like their toilets, showers, and, more importantly, their alcohol.

College Maintenance described how the flood began around 5pm last night, forcing students to evacuate the drinking establishment. The del-pooge has since reportedly reached depths of 4 inches.

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Almost deep enough for Cambridge’s Dolphins…

Kate Jones, President of Tit Hall Ents, emotionally told the Tab “the flood got into the Ents cupboard and ruined all our equipment. I’ve had to spend all morning playing in shit with plastic bags over my feet to clear it all out.”

“It was really deep”, she reported, the horror still in her eyes, “There were currents. There was a fear we’d be swept away”.

They probably just emit Brown Noise now...

They probably just emit Brown Noise now…

Experts have begun draining the bar and confirmed the flood has been caused by a broken pipe. Students have now been asked not to use their toilets or showers on that side of the building.

As such, the shituation is dire – according to one student, there are now 30 people to a shower and nowhere to get drunk on the cheap.

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Sewage Drainer: not someone I envy

Naturally, blame for this calamity was levelled at Tit Hall’s long standing rival, Trinity, as the two share the sewage pipe.

One source tells The Tab his college bar has been filled with “mathmo shit”.

Marton Prince, Tit Hall Land Ec Fresher, states that college has “taken enough shit from Trinity already”.

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It stank, let me tell you

Eddie Millet, 2nd Year student at Tit Hall, speaks a problem that’s been on everybody’s minds:

“I was planning to spend all day in the jcr nursing my hangover. This means I might actually have to go to the library. Where am I going to get my aero press latte now?!”

This comes after another terrible kakastrophe hit Queens’ College earlier this year, leading some conspiracy smearists to label this the beginnings of the acrapolypse, speculating whether both were caused by the same pooertrator.

Needless to say, Tit Hall bar will remain off-limits to students until Tuesday at the earliest. They will have to get shitfaced elsewhere.