If you’re still wearing a signet ring at uni you need to sort yourself out
Put. It. In. The. Bin
You see them all over Brookes, usually wearing flares. They study Business and they're from Surrey, obviously. They'll talk Brexit after a pint and a half and spend ages telling you that it's actually a hard life being a Tory at uni.
Then you'll glance at their hands and see their signet ring gleaming like a big red flag on their little finger. You wonder why on earth anyone could dress themselves in the morning and think: "You know what? Today, I want people to know I come from a really rich family."
They're growing in popularity and dominating way too many pinkie fingers across the country, it's time for these clunky rings to be banished. Who's with me?
You're not a gangster
Unfortunately, wearing a signet ring does not make you look hard my G. Instead, wearing one sends signals of arrogance and wealth to those around you. If you're wearing one of these, chances are you're actually living out of daddy's pocket and need to think about entering the real world at some point in the near future.
It doesn't have a special place in your family
Oh please, it's a ring, there's nothing deep about it and it needs to go in the bin. You may argue that your signet ring holds huge sentimental value and that it's part of your identity, but realistically, your ancestors probably aren't bothered about whether you're wearing their bling or not, let's be honest.
Wearing a signet ring is an incentive for people to put on a posh accent
Unlike in Lord of the Rings, a signet ring does not have the power to change how you speak and behave darling. Therefore, you have no excuse to be acting all superior and speaking in that ridiculous accent yah. It's hard for signet ring wearers to come across as even vaguely humble, they may as well have "I'm rich" tattooed across their foreheads.
You're hurting people when you fist bump them
People have gone through enough pain just from looking at your signet ring, there's no need to inflict further pain by going in for the fist bump all the time. People understand that you're proud of your ugly purchase and would prefer not to come into contact with such absurd, over the top jewellery.
Stop waving at people for five minutes
This is arguably one of the worst traits a signet ring wearer holds. When you wave at someone, it doesn't have to last a lifetime, just a quick raise of the hand will do. Signet ring wearers have an annoying tendency to wave for prolonged periods, usually until they have received a compliment.
No one wants to hear any more signet ring abbreviations
The fact that people call them "siggy rings" is vomit-worthy. We get it, you went to private school and your lingo is about as cringey as Jack Whitehall's. It really doesn't take up a lot of energy to hold back from abbreviating. Alternatively, you can avoid mentioning signet rings altogether. Save our ears, I beg you.
Signet rings just aren't fashionable
There are other ways you can look 'cool' without putting one of these rings of shame on. They don't add pizazz and suggest that you're a wannabe Big Narstie.
People are crossing the road because of your ring
Yep, that's right, your ring is actually causing distress when you're out and about, especially when the sun's out. Signet ring wearers seem to be blissfully unaware of the fact that a signet ring can reflect sunlight into someone's eye, causing much discomfort.