I’m a student and I don’t like students

Cuff me

As a student you hear a lot about yourself from many other people. 

People always judge us and assume how we live our lives without really asking the truth.

We’re all really lazy

Students are the laziest people ever, we just take naps whenever we feel like it and only occasionally turn up to lectures because we’re too busy watching TV on Netflix so we can avoid the cost of a TV licence.

We can’t be bothered to get part time jobs even though most degrees have barely any contact hours and you don’t need to do that much work to pass.

And who even bothers to get out of bed for a house viewing – not me.

Bed is so much better than lectures

Bed is so much better than lectures

We complain all the time

We always complain about money, despite getting student loans that fully cover the cost of housing, books, food and just general life. If we didn’t drink so much Tesco Value vodka we’d have loads more money.

And what is up with feminists wanting equality, Rhodes must Fall etc. It’s just complaining. We shouldn’t be doing that, we should just be accepting that our parents know better than us.

And complaining about paying for Brookes Print, I mean student loans totally cover all of our expenses, especially in Oxford so we shouldn’t complain about something so small.

We’re either drunk or hungover all the time.

We go out every night of the week so no wonder we never get enough sleep, and always spend too much money at posh nosh before throwing it back up in Clive Booth. That’s why we all graduate with 2:2s and are super lazy, entitled people.

If we stopped drinking we’d be much better people. And have loads of spare money so we could stop complaining.

All the drinks

All the drinks

We’re basically just the worst people in society

We might as well not bother getting a degree, it just makes you self-centred and obnoxious and all you talk about for the rest of your life is how amazing UNAY was.

Just work in Primark for the rest of your life, you’ll find so much more satisfaction in folding clothes over and over again. It doesn’t destroy your soul. Uni does that.

Now please excuse me while I go down the bottle of wine waiting for me.

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