This is what your selfie actually means
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of a smartphone takes selfies
Selfies aren’t necessarily terrible. After all, some are for a good cause, like the #nomakeupselfie trend which raised money for charity. However, since starting uni my newsfeed has been bombarded with selfies, and the lack of originality is staggering. More than one million selfies are taken every day but you can group them all together into just a few different types.
The drunk selfie
This does NOT need to be made public but despite this it always manages to find its way onto social media. In a club this usually features an accessory, probably a hat stolen from an unsuspecting male. At a bar, at least one person in the selfie will be pouting or have a drink in their hand.
This selfie acts as a warning. It’s been uploaded at 4:30am and there’s a spelling mistake in the caption. If this selfie could talk it would say “I’m drunk and should not be on my phone right now. Send help”.
The cheeky gym selfie
Taken before, after or (if you’re really daring) during a workout session, there is absolutely nothing cheeky about these selfies. If you’re the type of person who takes a gym selfie there’s a 90 per cent chance you also take hot dog leg photos when you go on holiday.
The caption for these selfies will explain why the person is going to the gym. It could be a motivational quote but it’s usually just the person’s holiday destination.
The best friend selfie
The captions for these selfies are usually Beyoncé or Taylor Swift lyrics. At first glance, like the gym selfie, they might seem vain but it took six attempts and half an hour to get my eyeliner even so I don’t care what you think.
The something cute selfie
This usually features an animal of some kind or maybe even a small child. To be honest, it doesn’t really matter as long as the lighting is good.
The squad selfie
For those of us who don’t have the will (or the desire) to make it to the gym selfie level, we rely on the squad selfie to act as proof we’re able to socialise with the outside world.
The shopping selfie
Usually taken in a changing room, the shopping selfie is more of an explanation. As in, the outfit in this photo is the reason why I can’t afford to go out/eat for the next couple of weeks.
The festival selfie
This one is just a way of saying “I bought overpriced tickets to see a band I don’t know so I could justify getting drunk in a park during the afternoon but LOOK AT HOW MUCH FUN I HAD!”
The ‘I forced a member of my family into this selfie’ selfie
This is by far my favourite. It could just be one family member but extra bonus points if you get the whole fam in there.
This selfie means that although you don’t get along and you probably haven’t spoken since Christmas, you and your sibling are capable of looking like you enjoy being around each other.
The ‘something happened’ selfie
Recently it’s been people handing in their dissertation but previously it was passing a driving test or getting results. The only thing that gets more likes than these photos are those with someone famous.
***RIP all the other selfies which never make it to social media due to lighting so bad even Instagram filters can’t fix them. May they rest in peace***