The Guardian think we’re rubbish and they’re not afraid to say so

Last week, in a move that screamed “LOOK AT US, WE’RE DIFFERENT!” the Guardian published its 2016 University league tables, relegating Bristol to a measly 35th place. 

Boasting a methodology that relies heavily on “student experience” rather than things that don’t matter like research quality and oh, I don’t know, employer opinion, the lefty rag used categories such as “feedback satisfaction” and “spend per student” to rank UK unis.

All of these people are better than us

Obviously, we’re all too cool to say we’re having fun and tanked in the self-assessment criteria, allowing the happy idiots at Coventry (15th place), Reading (25) and Strathclyde (33) to sail by, leaving us choking in their mentally inferior wake.

In the individual subject tables, things weren’t much better. While Geographers (7th place) and Economists (14) can sleep easy at night, anyone doing English (67) might want to transfer to UWE, who came an astonishing 27 places higher up.

Fancy neo-Gothic architecture won’t get you a place in the Guardian’s table of truth

Much like the Special Olympics, it’s nice for this assortment of ex-polys and red brick wannabes to get their moment in the sun. However, it’s irresponsible of the Guardian to suggest their league table reflects anything other than an attempt to up-end the status quo.

It’s well known employers and academics still hold our uni in extremely high regard, and they couldn’t care less if you filled out a survey saying you had a nice time. So, it’s probably best if we all forget we ever read this news story in the first place.