Dear Jack: I think my boyfriend’s racist

Hi Jack,

I’ve been seeing a guy for about a month now. Everything’s been going really well. He treats me nicely and is polite to my friends, one of whom is Asian.

He’s a really nice guy around me and I’m happy with him. But I’ve noticed he has a tendency to make some pretty horrible remarks about strangers. Sometimes they’re a bit on the racist side. I’m not saying he goes around shouting the ‘n’ word at people, but on occasions he’s implied he doesn’t really want to be around people from ethnic minorities, which I think is pretty horrendous. When he gets drunk, he can get really rowdy – he once insulted a guy to his face about his racial background in one of the clubs. He apologised profusely the next morning, but I can’t help thinking it’s a reflection of his character.

What should I do? Do I dump him over this? Thing is, I know it sounds odd, but I do think he’s actually a really nice guy and my friends all like him. I’m really worried about this.

You really need to challenge this behaviour when you encounter it. To me, the bloke sounds like a right tosser.

Make it clear to him that you don’t find those attitudes acceptable – they belong in the nineteenth century. Say that you find them offensive and that it’s making you have doubts over your relationship.

I’ve got to say, is it worth wasting your time with this guy? He sounds like a total arse. Racism – not exactly the best character trait, is it?

Unless he’s prepared to change his behaviour – and apologise deeply for it – I’d really consider ending this relationship.

Kind regards,

Jack

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