Tab creates drama at 24 hour play

In true Tab style we fired up the rumour mill upon arrival.

Within minutes the members of Centre Stage pounced on The Tab to find out who had written Tab Shags.

However, we couldn’t possibly comment…

Stay tuned for our commentary:

21:00 – Start time. Around thirty people gather in Butchart to take part in workshop that kicks off the night.

21:02 – The Tab and workshop coordinator order ten shots and a pint each in The Bobbin. Belief is it will help kick off the night.

21:06 –  Tab and WC still waiting on shots. Thirty people still waiting on a workshop.

21:22 –  Tab and WC are welcomed into Butchart with rounds of applause. (Not really.)

21:25 – Fag break.

21:30 – Tab tries to lead workshop. Fails.

21:31 – WC gets the giggles.

21:32 – Tab tries to count number of participants. Fails.

21:50 – Tab runs to little Tesco to stock up before 10.

22:00 – Tab denies existence of vodka to president.

22:09 – Group split into four to produce play. WC and Tab end up in same group. Dangerous.

22:23 – PIZZA.

22:35 – Tab crashes interview. It become Tab endorsement.

22:44 – Fag break. Tab needs support.

22:49 – Writers get cracking. Tab disappears.

23:12 – Tab found in toilets singing.

23:28 – Tab refuses offer of bed and embarks on epic journey back to Alfie’s on hands and knees.

23:32 – Tab joins writers.

23:35 – Tab writes four pages of script for plot centred around autism.

23:46 – Upon re-reading, Tab apparently has no concept of writing. Or autism.

23:47 – Tab departs.

23:53 – Tab rings friend’s buzzer.

00:01 – Tab raps to friend. Video not for public viewing.

00:07 – Presumably everyone else was being better behaved.

00:08 – Tab nap.

06:12 – Tab wakes up and is shown video of rap. Worse than any hangover.

06:22 – Tab sets off for Butchart. “I have a play to finish!”

06:30 – Everyone barring one group has left to sleep at home. Writing has been done. Rehearsals kick off at 9am. Should have stayed on sofa.

06:44 – VP regretting decision to be bearer of the keys. Sitting at Butchart front door looking longingly in direction of home.

06:47 – Tab can’t find its food.

06:49 – Food found.

06:50 – Everything tastes like vodka.

06:51 – Speak of the devil…

07:06 – Final group starts reading out some of their pieces. They had far more fruitful night than Tab.

07:32 – Member of group reveals Tab tried to write article on his beard last night.

07:43 – Tab makes new friend. Tab tries to get one of friends to taste test Diet Coke for vodka.

08:03 – “Don’t put that in The Tab.” Tab wishes we had been listening, now.

08:17 – “Roald Dahl was a dark guy.”

08:24 – Everyone is leaving. Tab is sad. Butchart is scary.

08:26 – No one knows when everyone is meeting again. Chaos. God knows what’s going on.

 08:31 – New friends reading Tab commentary. They’re not laughing. Tab having crisis of humourous identity.

08:41 – Tab finds interviewer from last night. Video will be going up – it was mostly about llamas, apparently.

09:01 – Alfie’s imminent opening is causing excitement.

09:04 – Has anyone seen the VP? Search party sent out.

09:21 – T-minus 9 minutes for coffee.

09:28 – Two of the participants are competing as to who will stay in Butchart the longest. #lastmanstanding

09:33 – Normal people are starting to appear on Facebook chat.

09:34 – Fuck. Tab has just realised there are lines to learn.

09:40 – It might be time to start drinking again.

09:48 – Folk are discussing  last night’s variety show. Acts did not stay to support one another, apparently. WHERE IS THE SOLIDARITY.

09:55 – Elections chat: “I chose to be the better person and not run. If I had, I’d have steamrolled through all of you.”

10:15 – Some are powering through with line learning. Others are dropping like flies.

10:21 – Have learnt one participant has details on how to make plastic explosives on his laptop… This may become an investigation.

10:28 – Expansion; so it was actually a Cornish guy in Hillhead who had it on his laptop.  This Cornish bloke has a strange record. He’s brought back whaling axes, Chinese glowsticks, has a guide to chainsaw maintenance and a magician’s guide (how to make smoke powder, optical illusions) on his laptop. “And a history of cannabis growing, but not a guide to actually growing cannabis.”

10:31 – There’s also rumour he once came home with a skinless deer’s head.

10:59 – Does anyone want to be a Tab spy at Fyfe house? There was a Nigerian Prince living there who asked his flatmates to buy him a girlfriend…

11:28 – We’re collectively crashing hard.

12:02 – WC is back! “Where’s the vodka?”

12:11 – We may look like zombies, but at least we’re all here. Rehearsals have begun.

12:36 – WC reads back some of Tab’s script from last night. It’s not good.

12:42 – Tab’s position has been offered to someone else. Shit’s getting real.

13:01 – Tab has been recast. Broke news that will have to leave for two hours mid-rehearsals after the director closed the deal.

13:06 – WC and Tab are more interested in writing rap than learning lines.

13:22 – Have just done read through . It’s shite.

13:23 – Re-write required. Writers don’t trust Tab’s skills, not allowing Tab to help.

13:25 – WC and Tab to have sex on stage. “Let’s go with pornography.”

13:28 – Re-reading current script, “This is gash.”

13:30 – Director: “Let’s just have a ten minute sex session on sex. We’ll introduce a random character at one point to ask ‘What’s going on?'”

13:31 – WC: “Right, what play can we rip off?”

13:35 – “Let’s do a play about alzheimers. Then we don’t need any lines.

13:36 – WC: “I feel empty inside.”

16:15 – We have an idea. T minus 3 hours to write, learn and direct a play. It’s only Tab and WC left standing. Challenge accepted.

21:00 – It’s over.