Two weeks in, all the MAFS Australia 2024 cast and their glaring red flags

Just when you thought they couldn’t do it again, the producers of Married at First Sight went and found the most deranged people in Australia. Love Island’s casting team if you’re reading this please take note. Gone are the halcyon days of one evil male villain we can all point and laugh at; your Harrisons, your Dans, your Bryces. This group of people has transcended the levels of fame hunger and desperation we’ve seen in previous seasons. There are so many to choose from, so what are the MAFS Australia 2024 cast’s biggest red flags? Let’s go!

Jack

We’d be here for 10 years reeling off this man’s red flags. The “disgruntled” ex, the man bun (in 2024?), the pretending to be in it for the “connection” and not the fame. But no red flag shines brighter than Jack’s half-moustache. He looks like the Lorax. It screams accident in the barbers, but he claims the moustache is an ex’s fault. Blaming women for your mistakes – quelle surprise!

Tori

Believes Jack is a good person.

Lucinda

I would rather put pins in my eyes than badmouth Lucinda. She can do no wrong. I’d pay good money to sit next to her at a dinner party and just listen to her talk. She’s an experience. You would leave that encounter with a new perspective on life. If I ~had~ to, I’d say her red flag is the way she over-elongates some words. “You knowww”, “yesss”. On the other hand, I also love this. Oops, no red flags for Lucinda!

Timothy

He’s just too much of a bloke. It’s always: Beers! Affection is for losers! Ugh, women! Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without them! The personal brand needs some work. Also, he can’t be forgiven for sometimes upsetting Lucinda. He does redeem himself with his commitment to dragging Jack at the dinner parties though.

Lauren

Hilarious, fun, and the main reason anyone watches this show. Seriously though, I can’t think of any.

Jonathan

An inoffensive man with some good things going for him. I can imagine he really cleans up on Hinge. A steady job, wakes up at sunrise, loves a few cheeky beers with the boys as much as cuddling on the sofa with Netflix. Tick, tick, tick. Sadly, in real life, he is boring and talks too slowly. Someone needs to bring Queen Lauren a man with more energy ASAP, please.

Jayden

This one’s easy, but please allow me two. Firstly, the sleeping with his ex girlfriend’s best mate and not regretting it thing. Second is being the brother of Mitch Eynaud, who will never be forgiven for breaking MAFS icon Ella May Ding’s heart.

Eden

If the boy I was dating told me he’d slept with his ex-girlfriend’s friend for revenge I’d simply throw up and walk away. It’s a bit of a red flag that she hasn’t sacked Jayden off yet, but there’s not enough personality on show to give this girl a red flag yet, sorry. She has nice clothes though.

Tristan

This storyline is too sad for me to hand this man a red flag. Nil pois.

Cassandra

An angel. All I can see are green flags for her unwavering patience with her husband Tristan.

Sara

Oh, Sara. Where to even start? She’s almost as toxic as Jack at this point. Of all the MAFS Australia 2024 red flags, she’s arguably waved the most. The main one: being mean to gorgeous Tim. It started with not handing over her phone, and now the poor guy can’t get a word in edgeways. AND it looks like she’s about to cheat on him. Oh, and she’s been messaging Ollie Skelton? Tim, run for your life and marry me instead.

Tim

Sweet baby Tim! Let me be clear: I do not condone the yelling. But I am in favour of boys who fully organise dates, communicate their intentions telepathically via intense staring, and have extremely hot bodies. Oh, and he’s a millionaire, so it’s green flags all round.

Andrea

Good vibes, great hair, no notes. Shame about her to-do list tattoos, though.

Richard

The fact he liked the younger ladies in the photo ranking challenge is a bit icky, sure. And the motorbike is less of a flex than he thinks it is, especially for a 62-year-old man. But honestly, the flags aren’t there (yet). I wish him and Andrea all the best.

Ellie

Ellie’s kinda cute; she has the vibes of your favourite primary school teacher. But, she’s way too gullible. She instantly believed Ben when he conveniently decided he wanted kids with her all of sudden. Oh, please! She supposedly had a secret boyfriend who she broke up with to appear on the show too.

Ben

He has a podcast that no one listens to – need I say more?

Collins

What in the AI is going on with his voice? Imagine that in bed. Huge red flag.

Natalie

No red flags here, she’s just too pure. The way she shut Collins down when they left the experiment will go down in MAFS history.

For all the latest MAFS Australia 2024 cast news and gossip on Collins and Natalie, like The Holy Church of MAFS on Facebook.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Here’s the full timeline of Jack breaking up with his ex and applying for MAFS Australia

• Omg, resurfaced pictures of Jack from MAFS Australia have emerged and he looks so emo

• This huge MAFS Australia editing error proves Lauren’s narrative is being manipulated

Featured image credit via Channel Nine with edits.