Ranking the messy couples of MAFS Australia by how much we want them to split

Besides the backup brides and grooms later in the season, we have now met the cast of MAFS Australia season 12, and the couples are ready to give the experiment a real go. Already, we’ve had runaway grooms and brides, several brutal departures, and rumblings of police reports down under, and we’re not even halfway through the season.

MAFS Australia has always moved quicker than its UK counterpart. One minute, the couples are packing on the PDA, and the next, they’re issuing rap sheets with positives and negatives.

So, before these couples inevitably tank their relationships, here’s my official ranking of the MAFS season 12 cast by how truly insufferable they are to watch.

10. Dave Hand and Jamie Marinos

It was quite literally love at first sight as Jamie Marinos was dazed by her gentle giant covered in tattoos. She told Dave she was going to “climb him like a tree” within minutes of meeting him, and their chemistry has continued as such. Dave and his “pocket rocket” are literally made for each other.

I’m not going to spoil anything, but if you want to read about the update on Dave and Jamie’s relationship, then click here.

9. Rhi Disljenkovic and Jeff Gobbels

Rhi and Jeff are like the unproblematic couple you knew at school; they keep to themselves, are very much packing on the PDA, and are fierceless defensive of one another. Not even Jacqui’s chaos could bring Jeff and Rhi down, and if they can survive that, they can survive anything.

8. Beth Kelly and Teejay Halkias

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Beth and Teejay were instantly smitten despite Jacqui’s best efforts to sink their wedding in a sea of drama and crying. It’s still early days in their relationship, but it’s looking pretty good.

7. Eliot Donovan and Veronica Cloherty

I quite like Eliot and Veronica so far. They look good together and seem to be interested in the same things, and I loved Veronica calling her hubby out at the most recent dinner party.

Regardless, I know Eliot will probably wreck this relationship too.

6. Carina Mirabile and Paul Antoine

We already know that Paul gets himself into some trouble later in the season, but we haven’t really seen that yet in the UK, so I’m not counting it. Carina and Paul have great chemistry but have kind of been keeping to themselves during dinner parties. No judgment; I would too if I were part of the hottest couple on the show.

5. Lauren Hall and Clint Rice

We haven’t seen that much of Lauren and Clint yet, but already, I’m bored. They just don’t seem to have the greatest chemistry, and while I understand the ENTIRE point of the show is to graft a relationship, I just know it’s not going anywhere. That, coupled with Lauren’s innate mean girl energy, is giving my reality TV crystal ball a bad future.

4. Morena Farina and Tony Mojanovski

Morena and Tony are one of the more forgettable couples on this season of MAFS Australia, that is, until the former appears on your screen with an almost Shakesperean monologue. The speeches largely make no sense, and Tony is often just nodding in agreement.

I don’t have anything against Morena and Tony, but they just don’t really seem to be that into one another. She talks, he listens, and that’s about it.

3. Billy Belcher and Sierah Swepstone

MAFS Australia’s resident Brit Billy is currently an angel, but don’t hold on too tight because you know what men on this show are like, and couples can implode with little to no notice. One minute they’re Prince Charming, the next they’re (Insert Disney villain name here).

Despite getting off to a cracking start, Sierah and Billy grew apart in the most recent episodes as Sierah cosied up to Adrian. Poor Billy was left devastated and understandably angry, while Sierah remained stoic and cold. I am currently penning a letter to Channel Nine, subject line: Have Billy’s back, or watch yours.

Thankfully, these two went their separate ways in the most recent commitment ceremony but I’m still holding out hope for a Billy return.

2. Awhina Rutene and Adrian Araouzou

Single mum Awhina deserved a prince, so tell me why she was matched with a man-child who required his own subtitles? As you might be able to tell, Awhina has nothing to do with their placement on this list.

Adrian might be hella entertaining to watch, especially during those smirks when he knows he’s in the wrong, but he’s more toxic than Chernobyl and with the emotional maturity of rock.

Update: I would like to formally apologise to all rocks for comparing them to Adrian.

1. Jacqui Burfoot and Ryan Donnelly

If you told me Jacqui and Ryan were paid actors designed to drum up the drama, then I’d believe you because these two have never heard of a stable relationship. They are messier than a teenage boy’s bedroom, and while Ryan’s earlier comments about their sexual exploits were nasty, Jacqui herself is no angel sent from God.

I’ve never been one for long-term relationships, but after watching Jacqui and Ryan for just a few weeks, I might join a priesthood.

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Featured image credit: Nine