How every student seminar presentation plays out

Picture the scene, you’re in your seminar and Mr/Mrs “I was on the sesh last night” stumbles up to the front to give their round up of this week’s reading. They stand there, looking like they were born in Chernobyl with the faint remnants of neon paint still on their skin and a faded stamp on their hand giving a half arsed speech about dialectical materialism.

The class falls silent, you think to yourself “I’m actually going to attempt to listen to the fifth presentation we have had” and pay close attention to what they are saying. Unfortunately, the person presenting has the charisma of a drunk Boris Johnson chewing 50 strips of trident gum and a quick lapse in concentration means you’ve fucked it. You’ve lost where you were and its time to sneakily be on Facebook for five minutes.

We can all see your attempt to wash your stamp off

All of the class then plays the bullshit game. You know your seminar tutor is also struggling to keep up but has to maintain the illusion of authority and looks around to make sure everyone else is paying attention. The tutor may catch your eye but you pretend to write some notes down on your laptop or piece of paper to continue with the bullshit game.

You look around, some may pull the ‘bemusement face’ where it looks like they are following along but in fact they are so lost that they are just looking for certain buzzwords to nod their head at and remember that the presenter is speaking English.

The bemusement face in full force

“Yes, very good, Marxism is a word I know”

The presentation goes on and on and on and it doesn’t make much sense because 90% of the class didn’t do the extended reading so you have no reference as to what the hell is going on. The whole ordeal is just one awkward event, especially when the presenter makes eye contact and sees your fake “bemusement face” and interprets it as real engagement.

The presenter might have a power point which was hastily rushed during the time between their lectures. Here, they have learnt the real lesson of university straight from the lecturers themselves. The ability to read straight off a slide and bore a room full of people.

Handouts are great, they aid in the charade of paying attention. You can look up, then down at the piece of paper, then up again when you see some connection between the two and it seems like real engagement.

The presentation fortunately comes to a end and you all give a equally half arsed round of applause that always seems to last 5 seconds. The tutor then asks the dreaded question of:

“So what do you think?”

This is the finale of the bullshit game. The grand climax to round of the event. Exactly three seconds of silence pass with students staring at each other looking for the brave soul to sacrifice themselves to play the leading role in the bullshit game.

One person bravely replies “it was alright” and a sigh of relief echos in the room.

The deed is done. No longer do we play our part in the bullshit game that is presenting in seminars.

At least my presentation will be different next week.