Stop checking your phone on the dancefloor

I don’t care if it’s a job offer or a booty call

national noad

Besides booze and intoxicants, on a good night out you can get drunk on atmosphere alone.

Go sober to your favourite band and you’ll still have an awesome time. Go drunk to the Savoy and it’s still a pit of despair.

On nights out, there are few greater mood-ruiners though than dancefloor phone-checkers.

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Nah mate

They’ll stand motionless on the edge of dancing groups, squinting stupidly at small screens with faces lighted pale blue.

It doesn’t even make sense. Dancefloors are dark, hazy and busy places. They’re a logistical nightmare for texting, but text they do.

Not content with this, people check Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. I even saw one guy playing that castle defence game in the middle of a packed dancefloor. It’s getting absurd.

Your night could be on fire, with drinks drunk, flirts flirted with and the chat chatted, all for some wet inbox-refreshing blanket to be thrown over the dance being danced.

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All the hippy white-noise chat about “vibe” and “positive energy” takes on greater meaning at this moment.

Once I’ve noticed somebody motionless and scrawling through apps next to me, I can’t get over it. It’s like having an unfocused blur on the edge of your vision, or a small unreachable itch somewhere.

I can take getting pushed, my toes stood on or a drink spilled. I can take a long cloakroom queue or overpriced shots.

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Srsly, nah

I can take any number of shortcomings and disappointments on a night out, but some things are simply unforgivable.

So if this is you: stand at the bit beside the dancefloor. Sit down somewhere. Check your phone at the bar or outside in the smoking area. Check in the toilets. Anywhere except where everyone’s dancing, okay? That way, you might actually be able to read your messages.