Last-minute Halloween helper

CHAV – start with tracksuit bottoms. Slick your hair into a ponytail or put a baseball cap on. Make sure you’ve got some bling on. * Note that this costume does not excuse criminal behaviour.

CHARLIE SHEEN – All you need is a polo shirt, an angry look and a big sign that says ‘WINNING’.

GHOST – perhaps the easiest idea ever, grab a white sheet and cut some eye holes in it. Done.

FRESHERS FIFTEEN – if you’re a girl especially, I actually don’t think there’s anything scarier – bar accidental pregnancy, which you can handily make this costume work for as well – take pillow off sofa, put up jumper, (one in your trousers if you’re really into it) and hey presto! You’re your own worst nightmare.

FRUIT/VEGETABLE – Do you own red? You’re a tomato. Do you own green? You’re an apple/bean/broccoli. How witty.

JAMES BOND/BOND GIRL – Gentleman, choose your Bond- Connery, Moore, Craig? Ladies, choose a specific girl, or simply don a dress and perfect your ‘damsel in distress’ imitation.

MUMMY – run to Boots, clear out the bandage section. Employ some safety pins and a friend to wrap you up. Just make sure you can see. And be careful what you wear underneath- it might get warm, but as the night wears on you’re bound to unravel at least a little…

MEXICAN/COWBOY – begin with jeans and a checked shirt, add either a sombrero or cowboy hat. Moustaches can be found in the fancy dress shop on South Street, but if you’re an extra mile kind of guy with enough warning… you could always grow one. Bonus points if you already have a poncho.

NERD – works well if you are currently suffering from a spot outbreak.  Many things are suitable, from knee-high sock and plimsolls to bow-ties. Remember your glasses, and braces (of the trouser holding-up variety) if you have them. Will (of Inbetweeners fame) impersonations are also welcome here.

SPORTS – if you’re in any kind of team, why not just wear your kit? Items not permitted: horses, skis, other large pieces of sporting equipment. Golf clubs should also be avoided.

‘ST ANDREWS STUDENT’ – embrace the stereotype and get your Barbour and Hunters on. Alternatively, wear your gown (just mind you don’t spill on it).

TESCO/MORRISONS – Every single one of you owns at least five of their plastic bags, cut them up and stick them back together in a way that covers your body in some socially acceptable way and tada! You’re everybody’s favourite under stocked supermarket!

THE TIN MAN – All you need is some tin foil and a lot of dedication, a bit like ‘the mummy’, get a friend to run around you until you’re completely covered.

OPPOSITE SEX – definitely one for Halloween (it can be pretty freaky if done convincingly enough). Wigs are a must, along with terribly-done make up. A willing female friend can probably lend some clothes to the cause. Top marks for surviving the night in heels… And ladies: borrow a guy friend’s jeans, rock a t-shirt and some sneakers, pull your hair back and draw on some facial hair.  DONE.

 Written by India Doyle and Lauren Hossack, standout writers