Everyone you’ve added on Facebook since Freshers’

You’ll never see half of them again


Freshers’ week is the time where you meet new people from all walks of life, and inevitably gain Facebook friends in a desperate attempt to find your new “squad”.

Here’s an exhaustive list of everyone you’ve added to your friends list in first semester:

The Promoter 

You’ll have at least 3 of these before the end of your first week. Soon you’ll be trapped into going to clubs you’ll never return to after Freshers’ (*cough* Parfait). So, before you receive endless invites which you’re too naive to avoid, delete the promoters immediately. Also, do not be sucked into joining the ranks of these evil henchman. This is not your clique, you can do way better.

The Sharer 

From sassy quotes to ‘cats being scared of cucumber’ videos, this social media obsessed spammer will bombard your newsfeed with anything and everything that comes their way. You’re left to wonder whether they ever actually leave their room, or if they have even turned up to any of their lectures. This one can stay, because you secretly find the cat videos hilarious. If nothing else, it gives you something to talk about with your new potential BFF.

The Potential BFF 

They added you after you met in the toilets during a drunken night out and struck up a meaningful conversation about the overpriced entry. You thought you had loads in common, but the only thing you share is your love of double vodkas. No amount of bonding in horrendous nightclub toilets can make this a lasting friendship.

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Friends in the club. Strangers everywhere else.

The Salesman

No one wants to buy your second-hand sofa. These people are determined to make a profit after their regretful internet spending. All you know about them is that they really need to replace their stained carpet. Also, you’re pretty sure they would sell their flatmates as they long as they don’t have to pay for packaging.

The Ghost

So, you’re scrolling through your newsfeed and come across a person who you don’t remember seeing before. You click on their profile and vaguely remember borrowing a lighter off them in the smokers area. You’ll literally never come across this person again, and you’re pretty sure you never gave them their lighter back.

The Attention-Seeker 

These people always seem to have some sort of turmoil going on in their life; whether it be how much they dislike their flatmates or boyfriend troubles. Every now and again, they announce that they’ve decided to drop out of university, but the next day you see them happily eating a BLT in a lecture. Try to avoid getting caught up in their constant drama, for the sake of your own sanity.

The Serial Poster  

Every day there’s another batch of photos that clogs up your news feed. There’s already about 350 in the album within the first week of Freshers’, all posed with multiple groups of people. You have a slight suspicion that they do not actually know any of them, but rather spent their night jumping from group photo to group photo in hopes of making friends.

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Squad goalz

The Creepy Guy 

You haven’t even got to university yet, and you get a random message from a stranger asking you to meet up for a coffee. Politely, you ignore him without giving it much thought. As the weeks roll by, you receive the odd invitation to go for drinks in a pub you’ve never heard or attend the screening of a vague slasher movie. You’re now forced to forever walk around campus with one eye over your shoulder, in case he spots you and takes you back to his abode of creepiness.

The Liker 

Even though the only contact you’ve ever had with them is lending of a pen in a lecture, they have taken it upon themselves to like every single photo you are tagged in. Some even dating back to January 2010 when you were going through your shortlived emo stage and uploading moody pics from your Sony Ericsson.