10 Things That Make You A Southampton DICKHEAD

The Soton Tab lists the 10 things that automatically make you a dickhead here at Southampton Uni.


We all love a bit of the Southampton culture, but let’s be honest – there are things here in Southampton that just make you that one person nobody wants to like. Have a gander over these 10 things that guarantee your status as stupid, irritating and annoying.

Your typical dickhead

Obligatory shot of the average dickhead...

1. You are a first year and you spend all your time working.
Guys! Come on! 40% is all you need – and if you get higher it counts for nothing! Take up a society, take up a sport… just do something other than work – you have no reason to be.

2. You turn up to The Stags’ karaoke and you are actually GOOD.
Thursday at the Stags’ is possibly the cheesiest venue in the whole of Southampton. You wanna spoil the cheese and actually be good? Go for it, you’ll be a dickhead though.

3. You shop at Waitrose in Portswood… ‘cos you can.
I bet you also have the money to get taxis everyday… eat your lunch at Trago Lounge… buy your clothes from Hollister… you get the picture.

4. You are a first year and you complain about how hard your degree is.
Very similar point to number 1. You only need to PASS the year. Try speaking to any third year dissertation students… let alone the work postgrads get up to!

5. You study in Hartley, but you decide to leave your desk unattended for 2 hours.
100%, complete and utter, guaranteed wanker. We like to study in the library too! When you leave, take your crap with you. Especially during exam times.

6. You CLAIM to drink loads, throw parties, have numerous sexual encounters, etc. – but really, we know you don’t.
Just get over it. We don’t care if you do all this stuff… and we don’t think any the lesser of you if not.

7. You work in the Murray Building at 4am, but you just sit there on Facebook chatting to your 2 online friends.
Do some work, pal. Tell your 2 online friends to get a life too.

8. You have a Uni-Link bus pass, thus claim it’s “too far” to walk to halls from campus.
You’ll be amazed how easy it is to walk or cycle places when you don’t have a £320 bus pass!

9. After the most awful exam ever, you’re the chirpy one who says to everyone “I thought that was alright!?”
Honestly, screw you. We can let you off if you’re just teasing someone, but when you’re serious and to ALL your course mates!?

10. You’re the one who has their laptop out in EVERY lecture.
Or iPad. One or the other, but either way it would seem you still don’t have the competency to print lecture slides or use a pen.

How did you do?

I suppose we could let you off (only just – with a warning) if you’ve only committed one of these… or partially. However, sort your life out if you’ve done more than one.

Done more than THREE? Just… get out of our lives would you?