What your library snack says about you
What do you mean eight jägerbombs isn’t a ‘snack’?
The only way to power through a 2,500 word essay is with something carby to push into your mouth every two-three seconds. Remember that cute revision tip that went round Tumblr for a bit, where you put an M&M on the last line of every page and when you’ve finished reading it you can eat the chocolate as a reward? Well fuck that: when I’m revising I want six of the big airport bags of M&M’s, in my mouth, ASAP.
Maybe you library-eat with slightly more decorum than I, but whatever your snack of choice is, it definitely says something about you to everyone else sat nearby.
You had the audacity to eat crisps in the silent part of the library? Crunchy fucker. You’ve been eating these so slowly. I know Walkers crisps, there’s a maximum of ten crisps in there. How are you dragging these out so long? You’re the worst. Oh God, ready salted crisps smell so good. I’m salivating. Honestly I wish I hadn’t skipped breakfast. Can I have one?
Have you no morals?
Usually the last two bits of bread or bagel, filled with a singular slice of sweaty ham, maybe an old tomato, then re-wrapped into the plastic loaf bag. Look, Campus Value sandwiches are literally £1.50. Or just stay home maybe?
“UGH, this history of art essay is taking soooooo long.”
“Yeah, definitely going to go home and have a long bath with a cup of lemon and honey after this.”
“I finished all my other coursework, like before they set it. The deadlines were already on the Matrix.”
“You know, if you freeze grapes, it’s almost like you’re eating tiny ice lollies!
Shut the fuck up Emily, eat your apple and be sad.
I wish I was you. Look at you, acing uni, getting firsts, removing the buns from your burger before eating it. You put your headphones in, listen to “creative juice stimulating” Mozart, crack on and get your essay done in an hour. Teach me your ways.
Little thing of almonds
Is there really any point being in the library and trying to get a first considering you’re the type to get married and have three kids as soon as you leave uni?
Singular, plain chocolate bar for your singular, plain Geography degree, is it hun?
Sharing chocolate bag
I understand your struggles. We are one. I’ve noticed you’re eating a share bag of Buttons but aren’t sharing them. I kind of respect that but I also kind of hate you?
Various dips and crudites
Hummus smells like Satan’s arsecrack if you put it in a musty library filled with panic-stricken sweaty teenagers, Jesus Christ you fucking pagan.
I feel you hun. We all feel ya.