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Why dating the ‘nice guy’ is the worst thing you’ll ever do

Is he really that nice if he has to keep telling you he is?

Every girl knows and fears him. He lurks in the shadows of a fresh break up, waiting to prey on insecurities and emotions gone awry. He tries to convince you that he’s only at the club because he got dragged by his mates and not because he’s on the prowl. The “nice guy” is the baddest boy around.

The “nice guy experience” happens slowly, a progression of implosion:

He seems like a breath of fresh air

Lad culture constitutes a certain persona: any puffer jacket wearing, beer chugging, red-eyed winking boy is interchangeable. As much as we love them, and boy do we love them, seeing someone with a different set of accoutrements is intriguing to say the least. The nice guy, with his knitted sweaters and shy smile, is the epitome of the phrase, “if it seems too good to be true, it probably is”.

You have new experiences

When you end up talking to him, and eventually going out with him, you do things that deviate from the normal university date experience. Maybe he takes you to a café overlooking the Quayside, maybe he takes you ice skating at the Life Science Centre. Don’t be fooled! It’s all very carefully calculated. He’ll pay the bill as an homage to the days of gentlemen and ladies, and then constantly remind you of how much your meal costed.

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His friends tell you how lucky you are

More sweet than annoying, but annoying all the same, you can’t go anywhere with him and his friends without hearing about what a guy he is. He’s all you’ll talk about, and as much as we love talking about boys, at some point it’s nauseating.

He tells you how lucky you are

And so, the problem escalates. It’s one thing for his friends to tell you how great he is, and how lucky you are to be with him, but it’s an entirely different ballpark when he starts telling you. He will not rest until he’s made you aware of how fortunate you are to exist within his lifetime. The word ‘nice’ loses all its meaning, and eventually, you eliminate it completely from your vocabulary to avoid the PTSD and the nightmares you have of him towering over you at 30 feet, screaming “I’M SO NICE”.

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He's "always paying attention to you", but is he really?

He loves disassociating himself from other boys

Whether a ploy or his actual self-perception, every other boy doesn’t warrant the prestige of the nice guy. He disassociates himself from other boys, and then disassociates you from other girls, because you’re “different” and he likes “girls who wear natural make up”, like RuPaul.

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He wears his nice guy achievements like badges on a boy scout

He makes you feel like he’s out of your league

The nice guy’s favourite phrase is, “you’re different from girls I usually go out with”. King of manipulation, this means that you are not within the league of both, him, and other girls. He tells you how unique you are and how he's so shocked that no one has shown interest in you before, a rudely confident accusation. Somehow he'll convince you that his mildly decent personality and backhanded compliments equate to an untouchable specimen.

He makes you feel guilty for not having feelings for him

When the dust settles, and you realise it’s not going to work, there’s no easy way out. Once he has his misleadingly trusting eyes set on you, you’re the one who’s going to suffer, because no one breaks up with the nice guy. Be prepared for, “you’ll never find someone who would treat you better than me”, “I see something in you that no one does”, and “I’m sorry that I’m in love with you” after five days of knowing him. Cue emotional blackmail.

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He does this of course, over an expensive meal which he will reluctantly pay for

You’ll be made the biggest villain in the Toon

Whilst breaking up with him was the best thing to do, you’ll soon come to think otherwise when your friends, and even people you’ve never spoken to before, start telling you what a massive mistake you’ve made. The last thing you want is to be studying in the Robbo and have a stranger tell you that you blew your shot.

If you find yourself approached by a nice guy, or have already lived through and are here to tell the tale, know that every girl stands in solidarity with you, even though, remember, you’re not like other girls.

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