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If you’re a London student you will make and break at least one of these New Year’s resolutions

We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again, we’re fortune tellers- here are all the New Year’s resolutions you will try and break as a Londoner

New Year’s resolutions, a uni student’s old nemesis. Designed to make you feel inadequate and incompetent when you inevitably fail, every single time. However, they are the Herculean task that we all begrudgingly take on every year.

Students across the country will aspire to drink less, do more work and try harder but the beauty of being a London student is the whole category of resolutions that are universally exclusive to all London students.

And, the Tab London being the fortune tellers that we are, are here to outline them all and how you will have broken most of these New Year’s resolutions by the end of January.

Remember to book slots in the library and student centre

January 1st, you’re getting hyped up and motivated for another term of learning, that you swear will be productive. And so, you’ll book one library slot give yourself a pat on the back and then forget to go. Someone will write an angry UCLove/ Imperial Secret/ LSELove about you, and your shame will drive you to never repeat your mistake again.

UCLove Library Broken

Actually, get out of the Camden area and see more of London

We can confirm, London does stretch beyond the borders of the Strand and the Heath. There is more to London than the 134 bus route (even though that might seem hard to process right now). However, the comforts of Camden Markets, Bloomsbury and that really thin stretch of the Canal that is in Camden mean you’ll be reluctant to leave.

As part of your resolution you’ll manage it once or twice, perhaps you’ll go to Regent’s Park and cross that border into Westminster, make it to South Bank or on a radical day go to Columbia Road Flower Market. However, it will be a difficult task to sustain.

Kew Gardens

Look how pretty non-Camden London can be!

Stop ordering on Deliveroo and cook instead

It’s an ambitious resolution. Really ambitious. All it takes is one stinking hangover and you’re off the wagon. Who wants to stand up, let alone cook when you feel like you’ve been hit by a bus, you just don’t.

However, perhaps this article is all the deterrent you need to stop yourself from ordering too much Deliveroo in 2021!

Deliveroo Pose

You can’t deny though, there is a special feeling when your rider arrives

Start using Olio, ODDBOX and TooGoodToGo instead of delivery apps

Rather than going cold turkey on the delivery addiction, the likes of Olio, ODDBOX and TooGoodToGo help make the blow of the ‘no delivery’ New Year’s resolution a little softer. These apps allow you to get food that would otherwise be wasted delivered. So you’re allowed to feel good and get delivery all at the same time, magical!

However, they do generally require a little more preparation than Deliveroo and Uber Eats (so no surprises, they often don’t emerge into reality).

Oddbox Resolution

Look at all that nutritious goodness!

Spend less in Pret

This one doesn’t even require an explanation. It’s Pret, you’re a Londoner, it’s not going to happen.

Student in Pret

Pret brings every London student joy, don’t deny it

Stop using contactless on the Tube and actually link up my oyster to my student railcard

We all know it’s the right thing to do, and say that we will finally stop using contactless. But, the effort it takes to link up a railcard and oyster is too much of a deterrent. Regardless of how astronomical the savings are, the online form, required photo ID and the expectation you will post something/ go to a ticket office stop you every time. Alas, the process is too overwhelming for a meagre lazy student.

Back to the drawing board of New Year’s resolutions.

New Year's Resolution Tube

Look at these happy faces. They’re definitely getting those Oyster savings

Start doing home workouts to get Hampstead Ponds Summer 2021 ready

Given our current status, and being banned from travelling just about everywhere, beaches seem a little optimistic. Hampstead Ponds, however, an achievable goal! A less achievable goal, doing the home workouts to get you those killer abs to flaunt at the ponds. They seem like a nice idea, getting fit, generating endorphins, doing something that isn’t lying in bed. However, the draw of a duvet means that an extra hour in bed halts the home workouts in their tracks.

New Year's Resolution hampsetead

Idyllic, practically tropical if you ask me

Stop using Google Translate to complete language assessments

Said every languages student ever. Whilst we all dream of being that motivated that we actually use our languages degree, Google Translate is a linguist’s heroin, you can’t give it up.

No matter how good you actually could be at your chosen language, Google Translate means the work is done in 15 minutes instead of 3 hours. Imagine how much extra nap time that allows for.

Google translate, bad at degree

It’s just so easy!

Make the most of the parks and take up running

London is full of beautiful parks that have the added luxury of being well paved and easy to run in, with nice running routes set out on helpful signs. There is absolutely NO reason we shouldn’t all be running laps of the parks, even Tier 4 is in our favour.

How many of us make it past one run? 10%? 5%? 1%?

Perhaps not the easiest of New Year’s resolutions after all…

New year's exercise

Look how happy these Regent’s runners are!

Stop using Maccies as a substitute for a nutritious meal

McDonald’s, the biggest uni diet staple and we can’t escape it. You’ll start and the good vibes will be shining through. Home-cooked meals, artisanal ready meals from the fancy vegan store, supporting local takeaway companies. Then Wham, Bam, someone suggests some nuggies and the resolution is gone. Disappeared. Poof.

McDonalds Receipt

13 hashbrowns is perhaps a valid cause for concern, no?

Read a book that isn’t course-related

Oh, the optimism. To read a real book, for enjoyment. Some simple factors to consider when you plan your quest to read:

  1. When?
  2. What?
  3. Instagram?
  4. Uni Reading?
  5. When?

I wish you luck as you try out your reading experiment.

Reading New Year's Resolution

What reading really looks like

Not rewind all my lectures and watch them in real-time

We’ve all said we’re gonna stop getting distracted during lectures (but its really hard when even the delivery van outside is more interesting than your third zoom lecture of the day). So we all end up in this cycle of rewinding lectures and putting them off to watch at a later date.

But, all it will take is one excitable squirrel or a new MobKitchen post to get you right back where you started, hitting rewind and in search of other New Year’s resolutions.

Zoom Lecture

Sometimes you just have to accept you’re too confused to continue

Get TikTok famous with all my useful London hacks

People just need to accept that being a Londoner is a skill in itself and should warrant TikTok notoriety. However, the sad truth is, the general population of the UK don’t care whether you can recite every stop on the Victoria Line in order.

London Uni Tiktokkers

These guys managed it, why can’t we?

Learn a new language so you don’t feel inadequate in comparison to all your multilingual peers

Let’s face it, most London students speak like 5 languages (its completely ridiculous and they need to stop showing off) but, like the rest of us monolinguists you want to prove your worth and pick up a new one in the New Year.

All we’re saying is, we can’t wait for you to receive Duolingo’s daily notifications from a sad owl who knows you’ve broken your streak (and your New Year’s resolution)!

I’m sorry Duo I did not mean to hurt you in this way

Try and join new societies

This New Year’s resolution is always such a nice idea! Make new friends, try new things, make the most of that £9250 university experience. However, the reality is, February comes around- you’ve still not paid your membership and you forgot to turn up to that one taster session you signed up for.

New Year's Resolution

New friends! Society friends!

Make the most of Boris Bikes

They’re on every corner, shiny, exciting and untouched. Even though Boris Bikes seem like this whimsical idea filled with fun and exploration, the effort it takes to unlock one is an immediate deterrent and they will remain something you stare at longingly every time you walk to the Tube Station instead.

New Year's Resolution

Look at these guys! Such biking role models!

If you manage to sustain one of these New Year’s resolutions please tell us so we can applaud you because they are all worthwhile things to do.  However, if like the rest of us, your student nature takes over and you break your resolution, don’t feel too bad there’s always next year!