Lancaster can’t decide if it’s going to get flooded or not

We have clearly angered a vengeful god

An Amber flood alert was issued, and then quickly retracted, for the North-West, including Lancaster, following days of inclement weather.

I hate everything about this

We hate everything about this

A university statement, sent out via the iLancaster app, said: “You are advised to regularly check the websites below for updates and plan accordingly for travel”, followed by links to websites for The Met Office, Environment Agency and BBC Weather.

The message also said that they will: “Issue a further communication if the advice changes before 5pm”.

That message came when the Amber warning, as quickly as it had been issued, was retracted. We are apparently safe from a watery grave.


Lancaster is used to its floods. Everything that shouldn’t be wet gets a bit so you have to live in abject squalor, eating cold beans with people you hate, with only the light from your mobile phones to warm your cold, failing body.

Fuck you floods you’re the worst weather ever

Let’s all go drink and contemplate our impeding doom.