GUU is without a doubt the best union on campus

QMU smells like farts


Let’s, for a second, forget religion, politics and whether Cameron really did shag that pig. The question which divides the GU campus is clear: Glasgow University Union or Queen Margaret Union.

It’s caused arguments within flats, it’s a bone of contention at library lunches, and it’s a sore spot come St Paddy’s day. Although, really there’s no room for debate there. What’s St. Patrick’s day without the Beer Bar duke box?

Nowhere else to be on St Patrick's day

Nowhere else to be on St Patrick’s Day

The opposition is fierce, the supporters are brutal and no insult is too harsh for the opposing side. Celtic and Rangers haven’t got nothing on this mob. The Fresher’s Address of 2015 saw insults hurled, unlikely unions formed, and a very well-placed argument that GUSA helpers might one day be working for their SRC counterparts. Weird but potentially true.

It’s as yet undetermined who Snowden likes better, but my bets are with the GUU. After all, who doesn’t love a good 3D glasses gag?

Who wouldn't want to be a part of this squad?

Who wouldn’t want to be a part of this squad?

To start with the obvious, the GUU have always had the best building. It’s massive, it’s old, it might be haunted, people get married there and it has a ton of bars. What more could you possibly want?

The old structure and décor of the building gives you the idea your granny would be at home in any of the comfy old Chesterfield’s as well as jiving on the floorboards of the Debates Chamber. The huge debates chamber has held more acts that you can shake a bedazzled stick at and the Beer Bar is legendary across campus. There isn’t really any competition. The sticky floors reminiscent of a school canteen and the smell of unadulterated joy are a couple of pro points, not to forget the oft-imitated “pint of fun”.

A night is not complete without a 'pint of fun' to bring you joy

A night is not complete without a pint of fun to bring you joy

Does anyone ever go to the QMU when they finish an exam? I wouldn’t know. They have washing machines there though, which is nice isn’t it? A union which replaces your mother: that’s exactly what you look for in a student venue.

GUU’s multi-million pound extension has seen three new venues attached to the old building including The Well, Base and of course the legendary HIVE. Since the opening of the new club in October, Thursdays and Saturdays have belonged to the Union. Did anyone go to Magic on Friday? Nope, didn’t think so.

Beery is what dreamz are made of

Beery is what dreamz are made of

Another redeeming feature of the grand old GUU is obviously the people. From sports teams to your flatmate’s Auntie Susan, the GUU is a big bulging cesspit of diversity with everyone talking to everyone and a sick community feel to the building. It’s like the Rovers Return but without all the unwanted dramz and the pictures of dead people everywhere.

The thing with the GUU is that even if you turn up on your todd to the Beer Bar wearing a tail and a feather boa someone will talk to you, and it won’t be to tell you you’re lost. You’ll probably end up seeing someone you know. If not, everyone wants to chat and is super friendly. There’s a reason the helper t-shirts are yellow, like sunshine.

It operates like a family, a network of like-minded people who instantly become your pals and automatically become people you’d share a pint or a game of Big Buck with. The chances are, with the numerous committees, that you know someone involved in the union.

The so-called “lad banter” some associate with GUU clearly refers to the absolute jokes which occur on a regular basis. The sober and drunken antics of any GUU punters bands them together like brothers in arms, taking on the common enemy: life.

Daft Friday won student event of the year 2014

Daft Friday won student event of the year 2014

The opportunities to make a tit of yourself are rife with the GUU holding class club nights every Thursday and Saturday, not to mention the Beer Bar Quiz and Open Mic. There’s also Daft Friday, which was the winner of Student Event of the year 2014 and the End of Term House Party which is like Chad Hogan’s house on Bucky.

As a fresher the GUU helpers stood out from the crowd as the people who were having the best time, nay, not just the best time, but the best bloody time of their lives.

lovin' it

Lovin’ it

The yellow army made my Freshers week absolutely outstanding, if anything I felt less welcomed by the grey exterior of the QMU, which is weirdly reflective of the complexion of those who dare enter.

In order to prove the GUU is the absolute best union on campus there’s no need to tear down the opposition. Go to HIVE, have a game of Big Buck, apply to be a Fresher’s helper, apply for a committee and make up your own mind about the institution that is Glasgow University Union.

Oh and never, I repeat, never try a “pint of magic”. It’s absolutely shite.