These are the seven types of flatmate girlfriend you’ll encounter at uni

Unless your flat is so grim a girl would refuse to enter it

When you signed up to living in a flat with all your pals after first year, you maybe didn’t anticipate the flat girlfriend that you also unintentionally signed up to live with.

Whether she’s the part time mum or the sesh head, she’s basically you’re fifth flatmate, so best be getting used to her being around. Confused as to which one you’ll get? I guarantee it’ll be one of these seven.

1. The high maintenance

She only ever rocks up in an Uber. She brings her own cutlery because she can’t hack the sight of your sink. Who can blame her? It looks like something’s growing in it at this point. She gives your flatmate shit about not washing his sheets since last year.

She’s found your four-in-one shampoo, body wash, conditioner and shaving cream in your shower and she’s telling you how grim it is. On the plus side, she’s decided to go out and buy you a Calvin Klein face cleanser because she can’t stand the sight of your ‘one for all and all for one’ bottle on the side of the sink. 

2. The invisible one

Your flat is actually too grim that a girl would never even enter it. Meeting the girlfriend isn’t an issue if she refuses to leave her mattress topper and essential oil diffuser in the comfort of her own flat to stay the night at yours. Let’s be honest, who can blame her when there’s basically an alien life form growing in the sink.

3. The part-time mum

Picture this. You get back from a tutorial (if you’re lucky enough to have one in person) and your room looks way tidier than it did when you left. Then you realise your flatmate’s girl is over and she’s decided to give the flat a spring clean.

She likes to ask what assignments you’ve got coming up and how far ahead you are on your reading. Also, since she’s doing her laundry at yours she decides to add some of your socks to the mix. You can’t tell if you love or hate the return of a mum figure in your life.

4. The bruh girl

She challenges you to an arm wrestle every five minutes and tells you about how good she is at football because she used to play it at secondary school. She drinks Tennents and crushes the empty cans in her hand. She feels at home in the filth of your flat. You and the others love her because she just is basically one of the boys.

5. The psycho

She’s got a look in her eye like she wants to castrate you 24/7 but you can’t seem to figure out why. It might be because she saw that you called her a bitch on the flat group chat which she for sure saw since she checks her boyfriend’s phone for him every two minutes. But you could be wrong.

She’s not the kind of girl you want to mess with since she’s stalked you and all of your extended family on Facebook so she knows exactly what she’s dealing with.

6. The sesh head

She has the sesh on her mind 24/7 and gets smashed at yours every Saturday so your flatmate ends up missing out because he has to take care of her like the sweetie he is. Hey, at least it’s fun while she lasts.

7. The one that acts like they’re too good for the boys

‘Football? On the Meadows? What, like, now? Yeah, no, I’ll pass. I’ll watch you guys from the side. Am I angry? No, you do you. I don’t care.’

She definitely cares. This was supposed to be her alone time with your flatmate but now you all want to hang out and she’s raging because her plans have been messed up. She definitely sees you as an annoyance, but that’s okay because you feel the same way. It’s a mutual thing.

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