What type of Edi pandemic student are you?

Fingers crossed I’m the productive one

Uni life right now is not the best. Clubs are closed, socialising is basically illegal and there’s not much point in leaving your room unless you need to get food. Paying £9k to sit in solitary confinement to watch lectures in bed things means life is looking pretty bleak right now.

But since we’re all adapting to this new (and generally horrific) lifestyle, here’s a super scientifically researched guide to finding out which kind of Edi pandemic student you are.

1. The one saving the economy 

Every. Single. Day. They order food out. Let’s be honest, they may as well be a stockholder in Ting Thai at this point. For breakfast, they’ll order Pret, then maybe eat the leftovers from the Wagamama feast they ordered the other day for lunch.  Either way, they can’t bend down to use the oven because their back hurts too much from carrying the economy.

2. The shopaholic 

The visual embodiment of consumerism at work. ASOS, PrettyLittleThing and Missguided are bookmarked so they don’t miss a single sale. Oh, and in case you didn’t know, it was Amazon Prime Day the other day, so they’ve bought a blow-drying hairbrush because “it’s now an absolute bargain at only £90 instead of £145”. Their room contains as much cardboard boxes as a shipment warehouse which just keeps building up because they’ve got new stuff coming every day.

3. The hairstylist

They’ve got one goal and one goal only: get on the mulletsofedi Instagram page. Lockdown prepared them for this moment. They’re trying to convince all the boys in their flat that they need one. “Mate, I’m telling you, you’d suit one so much. Clapped? Mate, no. They’re class. Girls love it, just look at mine”.

Or, if you’re female and mullets don’t do it for you but you still want to disappoint your parents in a different way, I’m sure you’re about one breakdown away from dying the front strands of your hair a different colour. Aren’t we all?

4. The productive one

Their alarm is set for 08:13 so they have two minutes to resurrect themselves for another day of grinding starting at 08:15. You walk into their room dazed and confused at 1pm, but they’re sat at their desk with Learn open on their MacBook and are currently reading their third piece of secondary to plan their seventh discussion board post.

They’re the kind of person you wish you were, but you haven’t logged onto MyEd in four days, you need to do your laundry and your personal tutor is emailing you asking if you’re alive. “It’s okay,” they tell you, “we all have our off days”.

5. The rule-breaker

Small get together in Chancellors? Unheard of. A dinner party in Marchmont? Never been to one. Cheeky Tennents in the Meadows? Never. It’s not worth asking where they’re going at this point – the less you know the better.

6. The one who sleeps all the time

It’s been three days since you’ve seen them. They haven’t changed out of pyjamas since they went to Sains to get some crisps five days ago. Their sleep timetable is beyond repair. They shower at 3am before bed and then get up at 4pm to get a snack, walk around with their blanket over their head and then disappear into the darkness of their room (they haven’t opened the curtains since last week) to scroll through TikTok and take a quick nap before watching a lecture from week two. 

7. The wannabe Olympian

The Chloe Ting ab workout phase may have ended five months ago, but that was just the beginning. These are the kind of student who’ll do a seven mile run around the Meadows, followed by a trip to the farmers market in Stockbridge to get some organic whey powder to put in their protein shake to have with their dinner of chicken breast and broccoli.

The prospect of the gym closing again is a serious issue and they’re raging, but it’s okay because they’ve invested in a 30kg keg bell for now. 

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