Why skiing is the shittest of all pastimes

December – a particularly enjoyable time of the year – means certain things are rolling around again. Some of these things, including warm sweaters, snow and Christmas markets, we look forward to. Others, like exams and skiing holidays, are just pure shite.

Skiing, despite being enjoyed by a ridiculous amount of people for an outrageous number of years, is just about the worst pastime ever. Involving endless amounts of complication, hassle, equipment, money, and discomfort, there is nothing rewarding or fun about it. It baffles me why people enjoy any part of it. Here's why:

It's fucking stupid

Here are the basics of skiing broken down for you. You pack up all your shit and drive to a holiday destination which is probably in a different country. You put on a ridiculous amount of layers and take some kind of lift to the top of a mountain. Once there, you put long sticks on your feet, and slide back down the mountain only to need to transport your way back up. This you do again and again until you've had enough. Literally someone show me where the fun or the logic is in this, because I sure don't see it.

like, why??

It's uncomfortable

Every aspect of skiing is simply unpleasant. Most of the time you're in the cold, your vision probably inhibited by snow and fog. Alternatively, and even worse, it might be sunny, which means you have to put on sunscreen and you're sweating like a pig in your six layers of clothing. Skiing pants are stiff and not made to flatter anyone, helmets are shit, and gloves are just straight up impractical.

Ski boots are like feet prisons, and skis themselves are just about as easy to manoeuvre as a garbage truck. Furthermore, I think ski lifts are engineered specifically to ensure your back feels broken by the end of the day. Oh and need to pee? That'll set you back just about half a day.

It's deceivingly difficult

Skiing is one of those things most people do for 'fun', when it's actually just a sport in disguise. It is very ill-advisable to just jump on some skis and go for it. Instead, you really have to learn to ski. And even once you know how to, it's never particularly relaxing. I don't know about you, but after a full day of skiing I am fucking exhausted.

Gorgeous views ruined by shit activities

Maybe once in a while the weather conditions are good, slopes empty, and the snow the right texture, and it's not as hard as usual. Let me know when the fuck that ever happens though.

It's dangerous

Skiing literally entails sliding down a mountain simultaneously with countless other people, and just hoping for the best. I know one too many people who have had the most horrific skiing accidents. Sure a broken ankle might be a funny story, but nobody is laughing anymore when you have a punctured lung and a shattered collarbone.

Most people are fucking shit at skiing, and are absolute weapons on a slope. Not only are you trying to manage your own movements, but you also have to pay attention to what everyone around you is doing. Any asshole could be coming down those slopes not giving a fuck about other people. I have seen people being skied into plenty of times and, trust me, it is not fun. You are much safer going for a sweet walk through the snow.

And what do a lot of people do on a ski holiday? Drink. Whoever thinks mixing skiing with alcohol is a good idea shouldn't be allowed on a ski slope in the first place.

Not sure if these sexy ladies should be allowed to rehit the slopes

Snowboarding is tiny dick energy

There's only one thing that irks me more than skiing does, and that's snowboarding. We've all met that dickhead who says they used to ski, but now 'only board'. Snowboarders are the worst types of people on the slopes: they take up too much space, are noisy as shit, and usually present even more of a risk to others than the average skier. Let's face the facts, snowboarding doesn't make you cool, it makes you a piece of shit.

It's privileged

The general reaction to someone mentioning they've never been skiing is shock. Somehow people think its logical to ask: 'You've never been skiing? Like never? Not even as a kid when you went on holiday?'

A lot of people, particularly ones at our University, fail to recognise that skiing is ultimately a privilege, not one which everyone automatically gets.

Skiing is an expensive sport: you can't just do it anywhere, so it usually requires a nice holiday. The equipment is a goddamn investment and passes to slopes are steep too. Not to mention how much of a rip off the food and drinks are on top of the slopes. Maybe people want to do something else that's not actually dangerous or outrageously expensive during their holidays.

I'll be inside

Overall, there is absolutely nothing redeeming or fun about the practice of skiing. Honestly, it's just a poor excuse for people to waste their money and get plastered on holiday while pretending to do exercise.

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