15 things that are easier to do than signing a student house in Durham

Unfortunately taking a non-blurry photo on a night out is not one of them

Attempting to find a student house in an average year can be enough to get even the most laid back Fresher in a tizzy, however if you have decided that queuing along New Elvet from 12:30am is not for you, then it’s fair to say that you are not alone.

Here are the top 15 things that are easier to accomplish than frantically signing that eleven person house for £180pp with all the mould and a suspicious mark on the carpet that was your 12th choice anyway.

1. Getting a seat in the Billy B during exam time

All those finalists writing their diss are too intimidating anyway, but bonus points if you actually manage to get a seat on Level 4.

2. Actually spending less than three minutes filling up your water bottle there

Nothing worse than walking across to a brand new water fountain just to find it doesn’t actually work (rip!) and you have to face the mega long wait just to stay hydrated.

Oh how the mighty have fallen

3. Getting a drink more than once in Collingwood’s bar on a Friday night

I mean it is literally their college challenge, as depressing as that is.

4. Queuing in Jimmy’s for over two hours in an attempt to get in

That disappointment when you have finally decided to ditch the Stag’s head only to find the Jimmy’s bouncers telling you it’s a two hour plus wait. Suddenly not even the Woodgates are worth it anymore, guess Klute it is then. Hope you’ve got your Klute shoes on.

5. Waiting for over an hour in Paddy’s for your cheesy curly fries after your night out

After stumbling out of Klute, the only thing that seems to be the saving grace of the night is Paddy’s cheesy curly fries, until you have to wait a ridiculously long time and end up regretting the whole night. The curly fries are absolutely iconic tho x

6. Pacing it from Elvet to the science site in time for your next lecture

Never has the frantic rush up Church Street ever seemed so desperate, with you left wondering if that next lecture is really worth the run to the science site.

7. Attempting to speed walk whilst overtaking people along Church Street

I mean what is with all these silly fresh dawdling along in massive groups? Speed walking is literally a Durham religion.

That will be £20 please

8. Trying to get a Wiff Waff ticket last minute on Overheard

The sheer desperation when all of your friends have a ticket and you are still scrolling through Overheard. Prepare to pay through the absolute roof for that ticket. Totally worth the 150% mark up tho (you say, grimacing through your teeth).

9. And then having to try and find your lost campus card on Overheard after said Wiff Waff night

Well at least you know its been a good night if at least one of your possessions ends up on Overheard, even if you spend the rest of the week cringing that practically the whole uni has seen your mugshot on your campus card. It happens to the best of us x

Just email me! Please!

10. Having to authenticate every time you log in to your Durham email address

I mean did the person who came up with this just hate us??? And if you really want to hack in to my account to view all of my upcoming assignments then please, go straight ahead.

11. Trying to visit more than four college bars on a bar crawl

Because we all start off with the best intentions and end the night having spent the vast majority of it in The Undie, whilst later realising that you have literally never stepped foot in the majority of the hill bars. Oh well.

12. Dragging yourself to your Monday 9am after an SNK

A wild SNK = the worst hangover that not even more vodka shots can cure. I mean I know the lecturer said that 9am tutorial was compulsory, but surely they’ll understand the pain? And it looks like most of your tutorial group probably think exactly the same.

13. Drinking more than 3 sips of Aidan’s college drink, ‘The Badger’

A Guinness and a white VK, yeah I don’t think so. Somehow it tastes even worse than it smells, which is actually quite impressive considering how rank it is. Sorry Aidan’s.

It’s so pretty, but the queue is oh so long

14. Trying to actually get in to the Flat White and not spending an hour in its fat queues

Literally the first thing everyone tells you is how amazing Flat White is. But is it really over an hour’s queue time amazing? They do have the best brownies though, and you get to assert your superiority of having actually been there. Bucket list staple.

15. And then giving up and going to Vennel’s and finding the queue there just as long

But for those who just can’t hack the queue, maybe the Vennel’s queue will be shorter? Nope. But once you get in you’ll be wondering what all the hype Flat White is about and truly appreciate this hidden gem.

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