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Gluten free is NOT a fad!

Stop eating my gross bread

My ultimate pet peeve is hands down every basic bitch out there bragging to their friends that “Yeah, I’m gluten-free now cause like it’s so good for you!”. Here is where my eyes roll over harder than a fat man in bed.

The gluten-free diet has become one of the fastest growing fad diets out there with a huge proportion of celebrities jumping on the bandwagon. But for everyone that claims avoiding gluten has made them so healthy I have one question for you: Do you even know what gluten is?!

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I have Coeliac disease which is an autoimmune disorder caused by a reaction to gluten. I can’t eat anything containing gluten, wheat, barley, rye and oats because it damages my small intestine and can lead to osteoporosis, anaemia and even bowel cancer if I didn't follow a specific diet. Fun right! So no, I can’t just cheat and go get a midnight McDonald’s without not only feeling like Alien is about to explode from my abdomen but also having that extra risk of causing myself real harm.

As someone who can’t eat gluten for medical reasons, people who won’t eat gluten because it’s not cool or because Gwyneth Paltrow insists on eating gluten-free really baffle me. You can eat ANYTHING and your choosing to eat nasty ass gluten-free bread that actually bounces if you drop it on the floor (yeah, it actually does). Why?! I can’t remember the last time I ate a sandwich that didn't disintegrate before it even got into my mouth. I would sell my soul if it meant I could gluten again and not be the annoying one in your friend group who has to keep saying “oh sorry I can’t eat this, it’s not gluten-free”.

So you can see why people who avoid it as their new fad diet start to piss me off. Everyone who hears you utter the forbidden phrase “I have to eat gluten-free” looks at you like you're another pretentious hipster asking for a triple venti soy no foam latte. Even the waiters in some restaurants will loathe you the moment they have to grab a different menu because they immediately think you will make their lives a living hell for the next hour. All of this because gluten-free has gained a bad rep from all of the basic bitches of the world asking if every item on the menu contains gluten because they don't have a fucking clue what gluten actually is.

I’m sorry to all the millennial fad dieters who think that gluten is actually ruining their diet because the fact of the matter is you're wrong #sorrynotsorry. Gluten is a protein found in some grains and eliminating it from your diet can actually deprive your body of a healthy balanced diet because gluten is in a shit tonne of different foods that you wouldn't even expect. And people buying gluten free bread because it's healthier than normal bread I am sorry to say it but it's really not. What do you think goes into all of the fake foods that try and pass themselves off as bread and pasta? And a cake is still cake even without the gluten…just saying.

I’m no health expert and if eating gluten-free helps you in some way medically then go for it! Some of us need this diet but for every Kardashian wannabe I’m begging you PLEASE STOP AND GO EAT YOUR GOD DAMN GLUTEN!

Just not near me because contamination is a thing…