Forget girl math…introducing Cambridge Math!

We all need silly rules to justify our spending habits, and if you don’t, please teach me financial restraint xx

As a believer in the power of retail therapy and a lover of delusion, I present Cambridge Math for anyone who also needs to justify three coffees a day.

1. Cambridge Puffer = free

As the weather gets colder it becomes increasingly obvious that Cambridge students are getting an absolute bargain with the college puffer. Once you start calculating the cost per wear, the puffer becomes basically free.

2. £3.50 coffee is essential

I have lectures to attend, articles to read, essays to write – I need fuel. A cheeky £3.50 chai latte is essential for me to keep the dropping-out thoughts at bay xx

3. Jack’s sweet treat

It’s under a fiver – how am I supposed to resist?

Who can resist? (Image Credits: Sophie Tallon)

4. Balls are free

You pay so far in advance that by the time the ball arrives, the night is free. If food and drink are included in the ticket price then you have actually saved money.

Silent disco convert (Image Credits: Toni Adewole)

5. Word counts don’t exist

2,000 words? All I hear is “however many I can write in the timeframe”. Let’s be real, anything over 1,500 rounds up to 2,000 and so is basically perfect.

6. Brunch is a bargain

A whole brunch for under a fiver? Call me Martin Lewis x

Hom Sweet Hom (Image Credits: Sophie Tallon)

6. CamCard is free

The numbers in my bank account haven’t changed and therefore anything with my CamCard is free.

7. Union life membership ‘worth it’

A life membership? I’ve still (touch wood) got at least another 50 years left in me, so £150 is nothing x

(I have been to roughly three union events since buying the membership)

8. Dresses are saving money

Realistically, because of all the formals and balls, any dress I buy at Cambridge is a multi-purpose dress. And multi-purpose means the cost-per-wear plummets x

9. Gardies/Trailer of life spending doesn’t count

I’m drunk. Doesn’t count soz x

10. Cambridge 2:1 = first

Generously rounding up any grades I get to “basically a 1st”. Don’t ruin this illusion, please.

academic weapon x (Image Credits: Sophie Tallon)

11. Two degrees for the price of one

Hello MA (Cantab), you are looking very gorgeous on my CV.

Feature Image Credits: Andre Pancholi

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• Here’s the ultimate autumn watchlist to distract you from the realities of first term!
• I asked ChatGPT your Cambridge Freshers’ Week questions
• Cambridge: A student city with no student prices