The News Bulletin, Week 1: Egyptian controversy, TCS misunderstandings and Trinity Yu-Gi-Oh!

Jack Benda and Ellie Olcott round up the weekly news

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Supercilious Summary

These last couple of weeks have been an apt prelude to what promises to be a term of turmoil. The Union have released their cocktail-menu shaped termcard, while The Tab have opened nominations for “Cambridge’s biggest BNOC”, possibly the most self indulgent search since our “Most Eligible Bachelors” #lestweforget. Punting problems have also taken the limelight recently: from axe-wielding punt-puncturers to aggressive, urinating, unlicensed punting tour touts, it would seem a peaceful Scudamore’s tour is just too mainstream.

It has been announced that Ban Ki-moon, “supreme overlord” of the UN and key figure in the creation of “UN Women”, will be dropping by Senate House to collect his honorary law doctorate. In other news, Tim Hunt, UCL’s scientist sexile and self-confessed “chauvinist monster”, spoke to SciSoc on the 12th of January. Despite criticism from some, our own Tab poll has overwhelmingly suggested that it was “right” SciSoc invited him because he’s a “brilliant scientist”.

In more uplifting news, the “Match4lara” campaign – a massive drive to find potential stem cell donors to treat Lara’s Leukaemia – has been tremendously successful in Cambridge. Over 650 people have joined the Anthony Nolan register and you too can join here.

Barbara Cantab

Just an ordinary student’s take on the news.

Labour Logography

Over the evidently much-needed Christmas break, CULC sent out an email apologising for spelling the email address of the Cambridge “Unviersity” Labour club wrong. However, the “more Eagle eyed among you” may wonder why they went on to spell the name of their esteemed party “laboour” in their correction email. Well, at least they wished us festove tidings.

Champagne slave economists

In other news, the Cambridge Jewish Society’s “Prince of Egypt” 2016 Spring Ball launch has attracted some perhaps awkward observations on Facebook. We will let you judge this one for yourself…

Pitt Produce

If some of you were at a loss at to what to buy your loved ones for Christmas, you could have sought inspiration from the Pitt Club’s merchandise. You can choose from the collection of Summer Tie, Bow Tie and Pocket Square for a mere £69. Or, if the summer shades don’t tickle your fancy, why not go for the slightly darker shade of blue and buy the winter tie and bow tie for £54.

A conscientious member of the public has aptly renamed the club in accordance with its status as a “socially exclusive, invitation-only club for male students”. A sign for the “neo-classical clubhouse” hanging in the entrance to Pizza Express has been duly vandalised.

All for One, One for All

The Union term card was released this week. As Union members rushed to their pigeon holes desperate to find out which big names would be stopping in, they might have been left a little disappointed that the promise of more diversity wasn’t exactly adhered to. Intriguingly, out of the 13 speakers coming to speak this term, only 3 are women. This comes after a pledge made in the current Speakers Officer’s manifesto (and almost every manifesto since feminism became cool) to increase the “number of women speakers we have at the Union”. The Union, as ever, provides great training for a future in the politics of false promises.

In other news, some rather uncomfortable skeletons were dug out of the Union closet. This is an old card, featuring the motion, “This House regrets the emancipation of Women” posted by Easter Union President Charlotte Ivers.

The Cheating Students

Our Deputy Editor Jon Cooper was amused to see the ex-editor’s diary in The Cambridge Student erroneously claiming that Oxford student paper Cherwell ran a headline saying, “Oxford 20 times better at detecting cheating than Cambridge”.

Unfortunately for The Cambridge Student, Jon had sent a photoshopped version ofCherwell (below) to the departing editor Jack May, under the assumption he would understand the joke.

The Yu-Gi-Oh! Master

It hasn’t been all doom and gloom this week. The new Trinity’s Master’s portrait has been unveiled to much enthusiasm. The painting of Sir Gregory Winter, who was appointed Master of the college in 2012, has caused mixed emotions in college. Some have been saying the painting is overly modern, even going as far as to say it resembles a Yu-Gi-Oh! card. Credit to Magpie and Stump for noticing the uncanny similarity.

Playing God(spell)

The Tab Editors were caught by surprise when looking over who had offered to write reviews for plays this term. It struck them as strange that the director of the play “Godspell” Will Popplewell also attempted to write a review for the play. A caution was sent out by one of the senior editors, warning against such attempted deception.


In a desperate attempt to salvage the once lively comment section of The Tab, an article entitled “The Tab comments section sucks balls right now” delivered a valiant case for its resurrection.  We are introducing a new “Comment of the week” at the end of the News Bulletin in the vain hope that some of you will be inspired to write more lurid, sensationalist or outright outrageous comments. Could you be the next Sensitive Scholar?

This week’s most eye-catching comment comes from David on Daisy’s “Fuck Cambridge lad culture – tits, bevs and banter belong in the past“.


Until then, see you next week Cantabs.