Top 5: Thinking Totty

HOLLY STEVENSON rounds up the most gifted and gorgeous men and women in TV land for your delectation.

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If you were looking for a little beauty with brains a few years ago, there was a simple choice: Carol Vorderman for the boys, and George Clooney for the girls (he played a doctor in ER, right?). But since Vorders has strutted off our screens and we suddenly realised that George is actually quite old, there is a gap for those who like their crushes bodacious and bright. Here’s my pick of the sexy and smart crew:

5) Bettany Hughes

Classical historian from The Other Place, with a penchant for running breathlessly around Greek landscape with a little too much leather on. Other interests include: oiled up Spartans and columns. Big, luscious, Doric columns.

4) Alex Guttenplan

Our own home-grown demigod. Personal fantasies range from offering him many, many bonuses to finishing him off in a breathless rush at the sound of the gong. The closest I’ve managed so far is a swift fondling of his vegetables in Sainsbury’s.

3)  Brian Cox

The D:Reamy face of popular science, whose fondness for academic excellence and sensible shoes make him perfect for meeting your parents for lunch. Of course, his debauched rock-star past also makes him perfect for a sly one on the dining room table afterwards, once said parents are asleep in front of Flog It. Could accelerate my particles any day of the week.

2) Rachel Riley

Picture the scene: you’ve woken up at 12pm after a heavy dose of Cindies magic. You spend the afternoon stumbling around your room feeling like a pack of Johnians are gaffawing directly into your soul. Then, magically, 3.15pm arrives, and your eyes are treated to an angelic figure offering to take a not only a big one, but five from anywhere else as well. We are not worthy of such a kinky treat. Especially at tea time.

1)    Victoria Coren

The undisputed heavyweight champion of thinking totty. An ale connoisseur, professional poker player and latex loving dominatrix (probably), Ms Coren seems to have been purpose-cast in the foundry of nerd fantasies. Brings back all those funny fizzing sensations at being called to the headmistresses office for being a very bad boy.