Tab Cribs: St Catz
Tab Cribs is back, and this week we’re at St Catz. Chris Apperley, a 3rd year Historian, chats badgers, coffins and space hoppers from the comfort of his absolutely gigantic boudoir.
Whilst some of us are taking our Harry Potter/Cambridge experience to the extreme of actually living in a cupboard under the stairs, others are rumbaing around rooms large enough to entertain a gaggle of Morris dancers or indeed do a full set of burpees.
This term, Tab Cribs will be inviting you with beckoning finger to ogle how The Other Half lives. Refrain, if you would, from throwing old boots and sledge hammers at the windows of these proud proprietors – a mere flash of the following nests will inspire jealousy and thirst for blood in even the most humble of house elves.
THIS WEEK: Chris Apperley, a third year historian at St Catz, shows us his wares.
Ben Dalton: How did you get this room?
Chris Apperley: I managed to fluke a first. I am very happy here, although I will admit to being intensely afraid of the staircase.
BD: We don’t blame you. There is a lot of space in here – is there anything you feel you wouldn’t be able to do in this room?
CA: I can’t buy food in this room – in order to do that I have to go to the refectory. Apart from that, anything else is entirely possible. There is a lot of room to jump, and I happily bounce for hours without ever hitting my head!”
BD: If you had unlimited money, what would you buy for your room?
CA: A space hopper…
BD: But they only cost about £40, you would really be under exploiting your budget…
CA: I SAID A SPACE HOPPER!
BD: Which animal do you think would lend itself most favourably to the natural habitat provided by your room?
CA: The honey badger, without doubt – they own any environment. Although I don’t think it would get on with the stairs very well – it would attack them constantly. Do you not realise how violent honey badgers are?
BD: Finally, where do you go in this room if you need to hide?
CA: There is a hollowed out coffin-like space underneath the bed between the sliding drawers. I haven’t had to hide there yet, although I have hidden in the showers before to avoid the cleaner. I don’t really get on well with her – she unplugged my Internet cables and reported my television.
BD: Thank you Chris. We have to be off now, so we’ll leave you to get on with doing whatever it is one does in domestic paradise.
Photography by Tamsin Lim