Confession: I Hate Christmas

SPOILER ALERT: Contains shocking truths about Father Christmas.

I do not like Christmas. I am the Tab Brookes’ Resident Grinch and I earned this prestigious title because of my troubled childhood. Isn’t that what everyone blames there problems on?

Up until the age of 5, I loved Christmas, the excitement every year of what Father Christmas/ Santa (if you prefer the American interpretation) would leave under the tree and lots and lots of chocolate. But at the age of 5 I was talking to some friends at school about my Christmas List when one of them turned to me and uttered those scaring words. ‘You do realise Santa isn’t real?’

I was shocked ready to do battle with this ungodly individual when I saw everyone agreeing with him, looking at me as if I were an idiot. My 5 year old self was determined though – I was not an idiot. So after school I went home and demanded an explanation from my parents who finally ended their lie and told me the truth. I was devastated and humiliated; all my life my parents lied to me. And so I have never forgotten the lie my parents told me and to this day have never forgiven them. That singular lie tainted my experience. Roast turkey would never taste as good. Christmas decorations now looked gaudy and carols made me want to strangle someone or something with tinsel. It seems that some children deal with the revelation better than others.

When the Tab heard of my hatred for Christmas and decided that I needed to experience some Yule Cheer she sent me to the annual Oxford ‘Light Night’ Parade on Friday 22nd November- the start of Christmas celebrations in Oxford- and I reluctantly went. Her suggestion to don a Christmas jumper however was a step too far.

I joined the sea of people at the side of Cornmarket and St. Giles and saw a mass of children walking through the streets carrying paper lanterns they had made at school whilst waving to proud parents taking photos. Rosie’s plan was working, I was indeed feeling the Christmas spirit- albeit a month early. Then came the more elaborate designs. A paper plane (not sure what this has to do with Christmas), Mr Tumnus from Narnia and an old-fashioned car- all of them fantastic creations.

And then I began to think, Father Christmas has no relation to Jesus and neither do these lanterns. Like me these poor people are being fed a lie; perhaps one of these misguided children think Mr Tumnus, Narnia and Aslan are real too, that in his spare time Father Christmas drives a vintage MG. With this terrifying thought in mind, I returned to my Grinchish ways and vowed I would yet again try and steal Christmas.

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