Here are Bristol’s most eligible bachelors

Tired of Tinder? Not been lucky in Lounge recently? Don’t worry here are some of Bristol’s most sumptuous single males for your delectation.

Matt

Course

Politics and International Relations

Bio

Matt lists his two main hobbies as “being inappropriately naked” and “grappling with other naked men”. As a committed water polo player this is disturbingly relevant.

When not studying for his degree, Jenner takes time out to work towards his “Advanced Apprenticeship in Grafting Excellence”, an honour he hopes will bring him closer to a successful career as The Wolf of Park Street.

Contrary to his qualifications, Matt does have some criteria for a prospective partner – someone who’s fun to be around with a convincing fake laugh to conceal his chat.

Oh, just make sure you don’t play hockey or mention how fucking tall he is.

Tell us a joke

Jonny Monk’s athletics career.

James

Course

Economics

Bio

As the Events Manager at Bunker, James knows a thing or two about keeping things underground, which is why his ideal date location is the secret prohibition bar (Hyde & Co) on the triangle.

A keen runner and optimist, his dream job is playing rugby for England. James is after a fellow Bunker lover (freshers beware) and promises he can get you into VIP with complementary drinks whenever you fancy, just as long as you don’t eat too noisily.

Tell us a joke

What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for uni? Bison

Fred

Course

Archaeology and anthropology

Bio

Fred is taking a sabbatical from his 3rd year, also known as resitting 2nd year.

A true Essex boy, if he ever finishes his degree Fred hopes to put it towards his lifelong ambition of being a superhero.

Hailing from the coast, Fred is passionate about sailing and alcohol, which is handy as he holds a part time job as a wine merchant. Appropriately enough, his ideal date location is the Clifton Wine Bar.

Notoriously picky about girls, Fred has some gruelling criteria for all potential dates, including checking for a pulse.

Tell us a joke

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints.

Josh

Course

Computer Science

Bio

Josh is also spending his fourth year in the city, but wants to take his date “somewhere warm all year round, overlooking the harbour side” – sadly Bristol is about as close to this as he can reasonably manage.

A keen ballroom dancer and distinctly average ultimate frisbee player (“I joined for some variety”), Josh could probably show you a move or two just as long as you’re not wearing his absolute pet peeve: crocs – “just why?”.

Josh wants to be involved in software development, preferably on the golden coast like San Francisco. I guess that’s the first date sorted then.

Tell us a joke

There are only two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data…

Freddie

Course

Physics MSc

Bio

Freddy is an experienced man around town, this being his fourth year in the city. It’s no surprise then that he’s chosen sitting in a tree in the intimate Ashton Court as his ideal date location, away from the hustle and bustle from city life.

He lists brunching as one of his favourite hobbies and reckons he can make anyone laugh “though usually by accident”.

Aiming for the stars, Freddy wants to be an astronaut (insert witty “out of this world” pun here) and his ideal girl is quick-thinking and imaginative with lots of energy.

Tell us a joke

Three tomatoes are walking down the street – papa tomato, mamma tomato and little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind which makes papa tomato get really angry, so he goes back and squishes him and says “ketchup”.

Coming soon: Bristol’s most eligible bachelorettes. Know someone who should make the list? Email [email protected]