Ashton Court is full of magic mushrooms

Autumn’s here which means it’s time again for Ashton Court Estate to be invaded by hundreds of keen experimental drug-takers, searching for magic mushrooms.

It’s an open secret by this point that the fields contain an abundant number of psilocybin mushrooms, legendary for their psycho-active effects, and every year naughty students traipse through the grounds in an attempt to break into the underground drug scene.

To see what the hype was all about, I trekked out across the Clifton Suspension Bridge in search of something wonderful.

Mushrooms, here I come

Tagging along was Bristol’s resident hallucinogenic expert, who would prefer to remain anonymous for fear of his parents reading this (I jest). His insightful inputs throughout the afternoon were questionable.

A dark, dark world

Our guide began the quest by saying: “The trick is to look for a specific habitat that’s ideal for them to grow in. Damp, open fields are best although under logs and trees are always a good shout also.”

This advice proved pretty shit, considering it pretty much describes the entire Ashton Court Estate. The whole place is damper than an otter’s pocket.

Trying not to seem inconspicuous, we headed into the forest to begin our search, doing our best to avoid strange looks from passing dog walkers and families with children.

You can see the excitement on his face

After two hours of searching, we’d got nowhere. My mood wasn’t helped by my companion going into further detail about the texture and smoothness we should be aiming for. As if we could afford to be picky.

It wasn’t long before the whole experience of being there was confusing enough that I wasn’t sure whether I was shrooming or in an episode of Bear Grylls’ latest show.

Refusing to accept defeat, we pushed on. We had a long way to go, especially as it apparently takes ingesting around fifty of these fungi to even feel a “trip”.

Do people really go to these lengths just for a free high?

In his natural habitat

The effects of psychedelic mushrooms range from an intensification of colours, lights and sounds to fits of laughter and, less often, vivid hallucinations, but all I was feeling at this point was boredom.

Even the news that picking the wrong mushrooms could be deadly – as poisonous species look very similar to the ones we want – failed to excite me.

Leaving no stone unturned

The nadir of an unsuccessful afternoon came when my self-proclaimed expert proudly told me: “You’ve got to understand, there’s not mushroom for error”.

That clearly well-rehearsed line was enough for me, so I decided to put and end to this bad trip and head back to the only shrooms I ever really wanted anyway: the ones you get from Sainsbury’s.

A satisfying end to a shit day