17 Days ‘Til Xmas!
The countdown continues with some festive Uni Confessions.
As a festive treat, here are some brilliant Christmas Confessions from everyone’s favourite Facebook page.
Beware The Christmas Badger!
First up, a Confession that’s already had over 170 likes on Facebook. Who knew badgers liked chocolate?
I knocked my roommate’s advent calendar out the window and it was eaten by a badger.
Attacked By Santa
Next, a terrifying tale of Christmas violence…
My flatmate was walking home from uni tonight minding his own business. Suddenly two ten year old boys jump out from behind a car, dressed as Santa.
This surprised him so he let out a girly little shriek and a little bit of wee (apparently) came out.
One of the little boys jumped on his back, the other started to punch him in the stomach repeatedly. Rather than defend himself from these fiends of the night, he decided to take the beating.
I don’t know what’s worse, being beaten up by two ten year olds, or being beaten up by Santa.
‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…
Finally, someone actually sent in the first ever poem Confession. Hats off to you sir/madam!
‘Twas two week before term end, and all was merry
It was time for Recess, Centaur were going as prezzies,
First we met at Walkabout, with their alcohol soup
Then to Syndicate we headed, as a big festive group,
Free drinks for committee, some were not quite so lucky
Like one such present, he headed straight to the dance floor
Swaying and flailing in his drunken stupor
But hark! Out the dark, an angel appeared
A 4th year chemist, toward her he veered
Grinding and groping they soon left the place
Desperate to get going, you could tell by their pace
They arrived at hers, and got down to business
His trousers on the floor, and also her dress
Thrusting away, she yelped out surprised
“Oh no, I don’t do that” she worriedly cried
For unknowing to him, he’d missed the goal
Just like DJ Lubel, he’d poked the wrong hole
Mistake rectified, they finished the deed
He felt a funny feeling, realised what he need
Donervans catching up, he needed a shit
In search of the loo, left the girl and her tits
To the corridor he wandered, naked, still hard-on
Who should he find, but her flatmate- “Beg pardon”
“I’m after the loo- could you give me a clue?”
After scaring this lady, he continued on his road
And deposited a shit similar to king kongs big toe
The toilet couldn’t flush, he panicked, left his poo
Got back into bed, she grabbed his cock for round two
“No thanks” he said, and sleepily rolled away
He woke in the morning, not a word did he say
Got dressed; she was stirring! Not fancying chat
He proceeded to ‘do one’, sprinting out of her flat
Doesn’t know her name, or her face, the sly rat
Walking home at 8, he thought he’d buy curry
And made it to 9 o clock lecture, no worry
And then proceeded to tell us this tale
Of the angel and present, and his successful bail!
Got a Christmas Confession of your own? Let us hear it in the comments below.