This is every type of girl you’ll find on Tinder in Bournemouth

Don’t judge a book by its bio

Whether you’re a Tinder regular or fresh on the scene, rest assured the app will always be buzzing with profiles. From people searching for the one or simply looking for a late-night hookup – there’s something for everyone on the app.

But where Tinder promises a land of opportunity, it delivers an emotional Russian roulette. Navigating the endless profiles can be a minefield, so in case you want to skip the drama, here are the 10 types of girls you’ll find on Tinder in Bournemouth: 

The good student

This girl’s calendar is more packed than Cameo on a Wednesday. She has one free hour a day where she eats, naps and bathes before she’s off again, managing student campaign meetings, hosting society meet and greets, and generally being stressed out. She swears she loves it. If you want to meet her, you’ll have to endure a student union social at Buffalo. Good luck! 

The SportBU girl

Her ponytail is tight, her Gymshark fits are matching, and her varsity jacket is her armour. She can be easily spotted on Tinder by an action shot of her excelling at sport. She’ll regale you with her physical prowess and concerning stories about club hazing antics, then serve you overnight oats with protein pancakes in the morning. Don’t get distracted by her charms, her weekends will be booked for three years straight with away games and tournaments.

The AUB student

She’s impossibly cool and mysterious, with a wardrobe consisting entirely of thrifted Depop finds. You’ll go on one date with her: either to see a midnight screening of a Tarantino film or an afternoon at Giant art gallery. She’ll spend 10 minutes getting the perfect Instagram story of a confusing, erotic sculpture that supposedly provides a commentary on poverty. She has a shelf full of Virginia Woolf books and at least four piercings. Best to avoid for your sanity. 

The indie basic

Profile essentials: vegetarian / vegan. Rex Orange County anthem. Photo of her on Bournemouth beach with a sunset. She will have a mandala tapestry and tarot cards in her room, but don’t be fooled by the peace and love vibes, she will ghost you right after you start crushing on her. You’ll only have her rose quartz crystals to remember her by. 

The sesh gremlin

Her interest tags will read: partying, concerts, festivals, nightlife, music. Her Spotify anthem? Any David Guetta mix. Her hair will be in festival-appropriate french braids and most of her photos will be club bathroom selfies. You have no chance of keeping up with her on a night out, especially since she still steals traffic signs like a fresher. The only thing more shattered than her phone screen is her voice: permanently raspy from last night’s sesh. 

The TikToker

Your first date will be shared over expensive lattes in a sustainable, ethically sourced coffee shop. Your second date will be at Paws Cat Cafe. She will have a serious interest in BDSM, Colleen Hoover books and gaming, so the best way to impress her is to brush up on the latest TikTok trends. You’re not sure how she affords it, but she dyes her hair a new colour each week – the only thing bigger than her statement mushroom earrings must be her wallet.

The boring fittie

She’s a bartender. Or a DJ. If she’s studying something, you’ll never figure out what because you’ll be too intimidated by her model height and perfect posture to ask. She will have exactly two photos on her profile: a laptop photobooth selfie, and an Oh Polly cocktail dress pre-drinks shot. She will not be smiling in either picture. Her profile details are blank because her terrifyingly hot face does all the talking, duh. Her bio says social smoker but she’ll pull out her amber leaf about 10 minutes after you meet up. Your date is likely to be an all-night club hopping ket sesh that ends at one of your flats, or the Lansdowne KFC.

The girl you’ve hooked up with before

The Tinder cupid takes sadistic delight in showing you past partners. You probably met this girl last year at some terrible gathering or night out. What happened happened. You can only hope she swipes left with the same shudder of cringe as you do. 

The straight girl experimenting

Love it or hate it – there’ll always be girls like this on Tinder. They range from “put their preference to girls on a dare”, all the way to “had a sexual awakening when they stumbled into Sound Circus one night”. It’s a tough line between pain and gain, but if you’re willing to take the time to find out, this girl can be a real sweetheart.

The one that’s not actually a girl

“Not a girl lol, I just like lezzers”.

The most revolting trick the world plays on you.  Straight men with fetishes for lesbians who change their settings to try and convert you. His bio probably contains the lyrics to Central Cee’s Doja: “How can I be homophobic? My bitch is gay”. He’ll ask if you’re bi, and then attempt to cajole you into a threesome. If you’re a lesbian, be prepared for him to ask if you’re really sure, and if you’ll prove it to him. Yuck. No thanks, mate.

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