These are the five different types of people you’ll meet in Bournemouth University halls

For every introvert there is a social butterfly

University is a perfect opportunity to meet new people from all walks of life, all with different experiences, ambitions and priorities. These are just a few of the many archetypes of person that you’ll meet (or in some cases, not meet) in your Bournemouth University halls, as well as giving you some advice on how best to deal with those daunting first few encounters with them.

Of course, it’s a terrible generalisation to put these hypothetical people into such strict categories, but keep in mind that these are just one aspect of a person’s personality. They may fit into two or more of the entries on this list. With that said, however, I’m sure after reading this article you will have made the associations between these characters and your own friends or flatmates. Let’s begin.

1. The social butterfly

The bane of all introverts, this person is too friendly for their own good, with a seemingly endless social battery. You will rarely find them in the flat due to their juggling act between at least three friend groups, all of which occasionally end up in the kitchen to “mingle”. Mingling usually consists of heavy drinking and loud music, which is extremely inconvenient if you’re just trying to make pasta. Perhaps the hatred towards the social butterfly is borne out of jealousy; or perhaps you just want a quiet night in without being pestered to “come out”, or “live a little”. Either way, they are loved by their hundreds of friends, and despised by those who enjoy the quieter side of life.

2. The introvert

The Joker to the social butterfly’s Batman, this person is a stone wall to speak to for most people. One-word answers and awkward silences dominate the interactions with the introvert; usually an intentional move on their part to get you to leave them alone so they can get on with their day-to-day activities (staying in their room). They are usually academically inclined, so if you can find one on your course and crack their hard, outer shell, they can be a very valuable friend to have. This isn’t just for your own selfish, personal gain though; once you can overcome the often challenging first few interactions, the introvert always has something to say, and can be one of the funniest people in the whole flat, even if they are a bit quiet on a night out.

3. The chef

An ironic title. Every flat will have at least one person who, without fail, manages to create the most unappetising, bland, miserable food you’ve ever seen. After a long, hard day’s work, the last thing you want to come back to is a foul-smelling, gut-wrenching plate of unidentifiable mush on the counter, left there by the “chef” who, after trying their very best, couldn’t stomach their creation. A telltale empty Domino’s box tells the rest of the story. You want to help them, you want desperately to introduce them to the wonders of seasoning, but you get a feeling that they are a lost cause, beyond help. What a sad life they must lead, going through the trials and tribulations of university life all day, only to come home with nothing to look forward to in the kitchen. The jealousy they must feel when they observe the bare minimum life skills displayed by their more capable flatmates. It’s a shame, really.

4. The top shagger

The top shagger. Sometimes unexpected, never elusive. Almost every night you can expect them to stumble in with a different dance partner, serving impeccable game and securing the proverbial bag. They’ll never fail to give you the details the next day, whether you asked or not (you didn’t). They will often talk about their prospective “shags” in a way that really makes you wonder if society has made any significant advancements in the last 50 years at all. Much like a football team, they seem to have an equal amount of home and away games every season, so there’s about a 50 per cent chance that you’ll get an uninterrupted sleep on any given night. This is much lower if you are unfortunate enough to also have a social butterfly in your flat.

Being the top shagger of the flat is more than just a superfluous title: it’s a lifestyle. Much like a committed athlete or artist, the top shagger spends each waking moment fine-tuning and practicing their craft in preparation for a night on the prowl. For them, university is not a place to study, far from it. It’s heaven; a hotspot of mostly single students, many of whom are like-minded in their hopes of putting points on the board on any given Friday night (or Saturday night, or Sunday night, or Wednesday night, or Tuesday night).

5. The invisible man

Of course, this title is not limited to men. However, H.G. Wells knew what he was doing when he named his 1897 novel. The invisible person simply doesn’t have the same ring to it. This flatmate, much like H.G. Wells’ novel, seems to only exist to make you uncomfortable and scared. Do they really exist? Are they simply a figment of your imagination? You’re sure you saw them during Freshers’ Week, and you’re sure you exchanged pleasantries, exchanged Instagram names and all the rest of it. Yet, despite this, they seem now to be nothing but a subtle thud in the kitchen, a door opening and closing of its own volition, more of an idea than a tangible being.

You ask your other flatmates, they haven’t seen the Invisible Man either. He doesn’t enter or leave, he doesn’t speak or listen, he does not see, nor can he be seen. He exists solely in the recesses of your flat’s collective memory. You begin to develop conspiracies. Maybe he was abducted, maybe he fled the country after committing unforgivable crimes, maybe he was a secret agent who got his cover blown. This brainstorming session raises more questions than answers, however; after all, if he truly doesn’t exist, who is really opening and closing those doors, and what are the occasional thuds you hear in the middle of the night? You and your flatmates leave the room feeling slightly uneasy.

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