What does your Selly Oak road say about you?
Because it’s just the best place ever
The home of Roosters, Drinks 2 Go and Selly Sausage, there’s arguably no place quite like Selly.
Each road is home to very different groups of people, from the party animals on Dawlish to the BNOCs on Hubert, what does your Selly Oak road say about you?
Dwellers of Dawlish have one priority: getting as drunk as possible every weekend and weekday. They put the “unaaaaa” in “uni”. They’re those people who manage to grace Vodbull every single week yet still turn up to their Friday 9am (although they’ll ignore the lecturer and sit there trying to come up with witty Yik Yaks the entire time).
They don’t care about the noise of drunk people staggering along the road at 3am because they’re probably still in Roosters deciding whether to get a kebab or burger. Dawlish residents picked their house due to the two minute proximity from Urban, The Soak and The Goose. They also got voted the best street of Selly – so they must be doing something right.
Most likely to be found: At pre’s shouting “down it freshaaaaaaaa” to some poor soul in the corner.
These people are definitely the coolest of UoB students. They have never missed an Ouse or Cirque event and seem to always have glitter on their faces. They get a load of their going out clothes from Harborne and have used words like “wavey” and “garms” at least once in their life.
Although it was named the most burgled road in February, they still seem to throw the best house parties ever.
Most likely to be found: Clutching a water bottle while off their faces at Rainbow/Ouse/Cirque.
Residents of Bournbrook undeniably picked their house due to the closeness to the Guild for nights at Fab. They will always be the first to send the weekly “are we getting Fab tickets?” text to the group chat. Failing that, you’ll see them bargaining away their soul for a ticket on the Fab N Fresh Facebook group.
They’re on a first name basis with the Drinks 2 Go man and probably have his number too. They are usually the first to get lost when you actually get to Fab and end up sending that “whjerer r u xoxxxxo” text to all of their contacts.
Most likely to be found: Chundering in the Underground toilets after one too many VKs.
This road is primarily chosen by first year students who thought it’ll be a short and easy walk to campus. But after actually moving there in second year they’ll realise they are living at the top of what can only be described as a mountain. Everyday they face a gruelling climb up the road after lectures, and they’ve considered getting an Uber up it at least twice.
Most likely to be found: Having palpitations on their living room floor after walking back from lectures.
Cheaper rent, closeness to the train station and proximity to Bristol Pear were the main reasons Heeley residents picked their house. Upon signing the contract there was that one housemate that reassured everyone “it’s not even that far anyway”. You know the one person who shows up all sweaty and about 20 minutes late for your lecture every single week? They probably live on Heeley.
Most likely to be found: Looking confused in their seminar after missing half of it.
You’re pretty sure these people are going somewhere in life. They’re president of a society, on a sports team, have a part time job, getting Firsts, go to the gym everyday and yet still manage to have a social life. They probably interned for JP Morgan in the summer too. You’re beginning to wonder whether they have some sort of time turner like Hermione does in Harry Potter. They make you feel bad about all those nights spent eating Nutella out of the jar while watching Gossip Girl.
Most likely to be found: Being a millionaire in about five years time.
Exeter road is the home of people who have most definitely never missed a sports night. They get absolutely bladdered every Wednesday and drink the weirdest concoctions of alcohol possible. In fact, you’re not really sure how they haven’t managed to die in the past few years really. They also take the themes very seriously, so don’t be surprised if you see them walking around dressed as a condom or something.
Most likely to be found: At initiations, making a fresher dressed as Gollum down vodka jelly out of a sock.
These people are the night owls of UoB. Due to the road outside being comparable to the strip in Malia most nights of the week (complete with at least two people chundering, packs of smashed people and questionable takeaways) residents of Bristol Road just don’t sleep at night. They are completely nocturnal and are those people that you’ll find in the library still going strong at 3am. Due to being on their year abroad/year in industry, they were forced to pick a house two weeks before the start of term and got the last of the pickings.
Most likely to be found: Walking around bleary eyed in their pyjamas in the middle of the day.
Residents of North Road are possibly the most forgetful and disorganised people of UoB. They had to live on the road as physically close to campus as possible because they sleep through their alarm every morning and usually have two minutes to leg it through campus to their lectures. They’ll prioritise finishing the seventh episode of Breaking Bad on Netflix over finishing their essay that’s in for tomorrow. They pull all-nighters in order to finish but you can bet they’ll still get a 2:1.
Most likely to be found: In bed at 4pm watching funny Vines, YouTube videos and scrolling through Yik Yak.