Here’s an A to Z of everyone you’ll see on a night out in Aberdeen
Which one are you?
You've just woken up with the biggest hangover ever and suddenly it all comes flooding back.
The girl crying because she fell over after one shot too many. The testosterone-fuelled fist-fight between two guys in the smoking area. The picture you got with Ketamine Kyle after giving him a whopping £2.
So here's your unofficial official ABC's of interesting characters you're going to meet from the depths of Tunnels, to the easy-to-fall-down stairs of Atik.
We all have that one friend who's lying on the floor thinking about the meaning of life about 20 minutes into pres and crying into a toilet within an hour. Often seen in the bathtub outside Underground.
Jagerbomb, Skittlebomb, Barbiebomb, you'll know who's had one judging by who's Redbull-ridden heart you can hear going at 1000mph and by who's leaping up the Atik stairs two at a time.
"Can you take a pic?"
Their outfits are banging. And they want every one of their followers to know it. The neon sign in Para? The red-tinted light of Revolution? You can bet you'll be seeing it on your feed the next day.
Dark Fruits Specialists
You'll know them when you see them. It's not just a drink, it's a way of life.
Echo Falls Anonymous
Anonymous because they're so mad with it just like everyone else you'd never know they'd only spent a fiver in Morrison's to get this blazing. But then comes the morning. The wine induced headache, stomach churning morning. Get me a bucket!
Usually spotted with a Sex on the Beach pitcher or a humble vodka lemonade. Clutching their ID for dear life in their finest, ironed clothes and perfect makeup. They are ready to start their new lives as a mess. Give them a week and suddenly their a Skite regular.
Grey Goose Tories
Can you spot the difference between the cheaper and more expensive vodkas? Chances are, they can't either. Most commonly spotted in Nox on Saturdays.
Hawaiian Shirt Gang
If you're ever looking for inspiration for a themed night out, look to these absolute legends . No effort required to look this fabulous (pub crawl or not).
Inked and Dangerous
They're edgy. They have septum piercings that "didn't even hurt". They'll glare at you from the darkest corners of Underground (whenever they brave the journey outside of Krakatoa, that is). Be warned.
"Just a Tennents, please"
From teens to creepy old men, it's the nation's favourite. So you're gonna see (on average) fifty people drinking it per night. Stay clear.
What can be said about him? Really, if you know you know. Just remember to save some money because he does charge for pics.
Long Lost Pals
Usually can be seen screaming at each other from different points of the bar. Remembering "that time at school…" when in reality they only ever knew each other from Facebook.
Holding back their pal's hair at the side of the pavement, keeping everyone together and making sure everyone gets home safely. Mother hens, we salute you, we need you.
Natural Selection Victims
You know at around three in the morning when you're making the trek home and you hear a scream to your left because someone's nearly thrown themselves under a car just trying to cross Union street? That's just natural selection taking its course. They'll be lucky to make it through the winter.
Ouch! I can't feel my toes!
You can find the most of these victims stumbling out of Nox. The sheer pain heels can be heard all around Aberdeen, right up until they decide to suffer the cold wet concrete rather than those deadly four-inchers. And god forbid you take a coat and ruin the look. Frostbite anyone?
Exodus is their home. These people will guzzle their drink like a car getting petrol because it "tastes like juice! Then you're on the floor!" At their most dangerous after a jug combo of Sex on the Beach swiftly followed by a Purple Rain.
Queues, queues, queues
Queues to get in, queues to the toilets (Tunnels, we're looking at you), queues to the bar, queues to the smokers, queues in McDonalds when the night's drawing to a close. You'll be lucky if you even manage five minutes of a boogie with your mates. And don't even get us started on the taxi queue…
Didn't get into the club because you're a bit too torn? Well congrats! At least you made it into the Reject Club! You're now welcome to join the girl crying because she's on her fifth breakup with the same person in the space of a week, and the guy on the long and lonesome walk home because the bouncer thought his ID was a fake.
Shots, shots, sho-sho-sho-shots-EVERYBODY!
Sambuca, Tequila, Vodka, Jager, you name it, you'll find someone who loves one of them equally as much as they hate another. But they're always willing to buy you a shot too so they're not all bad.
The tag along
They've lost their pals and have chosen you as their new BFF. Have fun trying to get them home or get rid of them for the night, it's not going to happen. A new pal you can add to your Snapchat then never speak to again! If all else fails chuck them in a taxi to Hillhead.
They're still in their work gear and they've had about ten minutes to look presentable, all they want is to have a good time. Give 'em a break!
These people know where they stand. It's not the strongest of all the alcohols, but they know that all they need is something to keep them going until the music dies and the house lights come on. They keep the rest of us going.
"When can we go get food???"
We all know one, and we've all been one. Left early because the thought of chips, cheese and gravy from Marco's all became too much. Had a quick stop at Maccie's for chips between pre-drinks and the club, no one can judge!
From the couples eating each other's faces in the middle of the dancefloor, to those yelling a spectrum of expletives from across the street. Some may even flash a boob. They're not for the faint-hearted.
You all know them, you might even be one. These guys will be ID'd until they're 45 years old. They have their familiarised routine of bouncers and bar staff looking at them sideways, up and down, then getting their ID out even though it's their 27th birthday.
Zoom, Seagull got your chips!
The end of the night is upon you and disaster strikes. The chips you spent all night waiting for have been stolen by one of Aberdeen's legendary winged rats. If it's cheeky enough it might even parade around mocking you, beak full of chips. You've now become the person crying on Belmont Street trying to convince your mate to share their scran. Good luck soldier.
So, there you have it. This has been your complete, unabridged guide to all the characters you can expect to come across on your drunken Aberdeen adventure.
Anything sound eerily familiar?
Photo credits: Ruskin Fox, SRuhkala Photography, Joe Morton