Almost time to take your clothes off and get wet…

Aberdeen Sports Village Aquatics Centre is finally set to open in early Spring. The vast project has been under construction for the past three years with costs amounting to over £22 million. Thanks must be made to the international students for funding the majority of it.

Whilst the new facility is predicted to be huge asset to the city, fostering North East talent and providing Commonwealth standard facilities for Team Scotland, we have certain other ideas as to how we can put the pool to good use:

1. Chatting people up.

Of course. With the Scotland Team training at the pool, perhaps we’ll find the next (hopefully straight) Tom Daley? Failing that, I for one cannot wait to see my favourite professors in their togs.  With any luck there will be an abundance of speedos amongst the ancient scholars of the university.

 2. Catching the on-trend diseases.

We all remember when chlamydia was sweeping the campus back in ’13. With swimming pools notoriously being the breeding ground for germs, the pool could be the new hangout spot for all the coolest new ailments. Spring 2014 could bring us athletes foot, verrucas, and perhaps even a wee dose of Hepatitis A. Glorious.

 3. Showing off that super-hot bod.

ASV is the place to sweat out those toxins, and the new pool will be just the place to cool down afterwards. Strip off those gym leggings and show the world your cellulite. You know you want to.

 4. Pretending you’re a damsel in distress.

Traditionally swimming pools don the sign “no heavy petting” however I’m sure that there will be some hot totty lifeguards just ready to practice their CPR at any moment. Surely the waters will be just deep enough for us to flail our arms pathetically for a few moments before being swept off our feet by a David Hasslehoff lookalike. Here’s hoping.

5. Relieving oneself in public, without any judgement.

Christen the new pool with an obligatory piss, hoping the age-old rumours of chlorine turning your pee purple aren’t true. Risky business.

Of course you could just be interested in doing some lanes and burning a few calories. That’s okay too. We look forward to the unveiling of the new pool in the coming months.